How do you deal with difficult meeting or training participants?

There is a wide range of behaviours that even the most experienced meeting chairs, facilitators and trainers find difficult to deal with. Using an assertive communication style together with some specific techniques will help you to deal with most difficult people effectively – and the better you become, the fewer opportunities for disruption present themselves. Here are some useful guidelines for dealing with difficult people/behaviour during your meetings/training sessions:

Agree groundrules: If you can, invest a few minutes at the start of every session to agree and/or reiterate some groundrules that everyone is happy to abide by. That way, you get the added benefit of peer pressure and personal accountability which will help to curb some of the most common types of difficult behaviour - such as people talking over each other, interrupting or talking amongst themselves.

Improve the environment: It may be that part of the problem is with the venue - if it is too hot or too cold, people will become distracted and fidgety, and will lose concentration. If there are strong opinions and emotions are running high, this will only be exacerbated by a room that's too hot. The best temperature to aim for is just on the cool side of comfortable which will keep the majority of people alert. Equally, getting the seating right will encouraging effective communication. If there are individuals who are dominating, or who are getting into one-on-one disagreements, try asking people to swop seats and/or to work in different small groups, as this will change the dynamics.

Agree a purpose: Every meeting or training session requires an objective. Explain at the beginning why a meeting or a training session is the best way of achieving the outcome, and give an idea of how you will work with the group to achieve it. Aim to get group consensus on priorities for the session, or seek their commitment to pre-defined objectives. This will help you to identify and agree a common focus and direction, which you can refer back to if anyone goes off-topic, or loses sight of the overall purpose.

Use an agenda: This can serve as an effective means of keeping the meeting/session on course, and encouraging people to work within a time-frame and stick to the point. Circulating the agenda beforehand will help people to prepare and to think through their contributions or questions. Plan the structure of the meeting or training session by prioritising topics/agenda points so the most important/urgent are dealt with when people are most alert and motivated.

Never humiliate a difficult participant: Try to think of every participant as a ‘customer’, who deserves to be treated with respect. Also remember that the other people in the meeting/training session are likely to feel some sympathy for them, so you may find yourself alienated by the group if you behave in any way other than entirely respectful.

Don’t get into an argument: Although having a one-on-one tussle with an individual may entertain the others in the room, you run the risk of embarrassing them too. If you lose the argument or become too adversarial, you could also lose your credibility. Should the argument go on, the other participants are likely to become bored and irritated. Try to remain positive – don’t get pulled into a negative defence spiral. Instead focus on finding out more about their views by asking probing questions.

Don’t ignore them: The problem won’t usually go away on its own. Most difficult behaviour is exhibited as a result of an individual wanting to be heard or acknowledged. They are likely to ramp up the volume on their difficult behaviour unless and until it is/they are dealt with.

Try to understand them: If you can identify why they are being disruptive or difficult, you are more likely to be able to respond accordingly: If they want to be involved, give them a role such as making notes; if they feel they're not being listened to, use active listening techniques to give them a fair hearing; if they’re clashing with you, ask the other participants to comment on some of the specific points they're making - that way you'll open up the discussion to everyone.

Never lose your cool: If you feel that you are going to lose your temper or to show your frustration, try counting to ten and/or taking a break as soon as it is appropriate - so you can re-gather your thoughts and work out an effective strategy for dealing with them calmly.

Talk to them alone: Try finding an opportune moment, say at lunchtime or during a coffee break. Ask them politely whether there's anything specific that is troubling them that you can help with. Even the most obnoxious person will usually talk reasonably given the opportunity for a private chat.

They may not mean to be difficult: Remember that people express themselves and their feelings differently, and learn and process information at different rates – sometimes it is easy to think that someone is being deliberately obtuse or pedantic just to be difficult, when in fact they are just in their natural style!

People have a right to their opinions: If you ask for feedback or for views and an individual seems to be hyper-critical or negative, accept their right to do so. If you can, turn it into a conversation rather than an argument. "What specifically do you disagree with?" "I’m interested to know why you think that" "What needs to happen/change for you to agree?"

And if all else fails…

Consider encouraging them to leave – If you believe that the person is going to undermine the outcome of the meeting/session, or to reduce other participants' opportunities to contribute or to learn, then this is always an option - it is unlikely that they are achieving anything positive by being there and continuing with their disruptive behaviour.

Have you ever been asked to leave a meeting, or have you invited someone to leave a training session? How do you deal with difficult or challenging behaviour from a meeting or training participant? We'd love to hear your experiences...

Self-confidence... do you have what it takes?

It's all very well learning a trade, or enhancing one's knowledge, or adding skills to your CV... but it's arguable that self-confidence is the most important personal and professional asset that you can ever invest in.

Think about it - who is it that gets to take on the most interesting/challenging tasks and projects at work? Who is it who is taken notice of by people at all levels within their field? Who is it who is considered most favourably for promotions? Chances are, your answers will have one thing in common, and that's people with self-confidence. Whether we admire this trait or not (after all, who doesn't recoil when watching the arrogant young upstarts 'big themselves up' on "The Apprentice"?) - it is true to say that success in the workplace is becoming more and more about confident, live communication. Gone are the days when we could spend an hour carefully crafting a written response to a colleague or a customer. We are expected and required to choose the right words and deliver them in the right order to deliver maximum effect - there and then... In short, these days, it's self-confidence that helps you to get results and helps you to get noticed.

The trouble with self-confidence is that whilst it is a skill like any other that can be learnt, while you're still wearing the confidence 'L plates', you usually stick out like a sore thumb. I used to imagine I had a huge hologram floating above my head, with a flashing neon arrow pointing down at me, saying "she doesn't know what she's talking about!" Probably just imagining it created all manner of non-verbal clues for my highly observant colleagues and customers to spot. What I didn't realise until much later in my career was that I actually had the off switch to that sign all along. It wasn't about having to know everything about everything, or about being able to answer every single question with an A grade exam answer... no, it was simply about having faith in my own ability to share my knowledge, my opinions and my ideas (for what they were worth), and to contribute something valuable to the process of communication: I learnt to listen, to process and to facilitate discussions and problems in a way that harnessed everyone's views and experiences. As soon as I took the self-imposed spotlight off myself, and focused on helping to create dynamic interactions, the pressure lifted and the conversation began to flow

I'm often asked by my coaching clients: "supposing you lack confidence but you are worried about being perceived as a show-off or as arrogant... what then?" In short I usually say that the people who you know, or who you've come across who provide you with anti-role models are extremely useful. The fact that you don't want to become like them is a good start. If you take time to observe them in full flow, you will begin to identify what it is that makes them unpleasant or difficult to deal with. It may be something subtle like the way they look smug when they've got the better of someone, or it may be a more tangible thing, such as interrupting others or finishing their sentences for them. Work out exactly what it is they do or don't do and make a pact with yourself not to emulate it.

Okay, so you're avoiding arrogance, but what do you replace it with? I'd suggest that in the same way, you look out for good examples of people who have a balance of self-confidence with humility. People who are comfortable in their own skins and who don't need to tread on other people's esteem to make themselves feel better or be heard. If you've never looked out for these sorts of people, or observed their behaviour, you're in for a treat! It's extremely heartening to watch someone calmly deal with challenging situations and people in a way which doesn't throw them, which moves things forward and which maintains goodwill on both sides. I'm always looking out for it - when I'm working in the various companies I visit to deliver training, when I'm watching TV, when I'm travelling or when I'm communicating with the various utilites on the telephone. And when I do find it, I usually try to make some sort of appreciative comment (without sounding patronising of course) as I think too few people realise just how important that sort of self-confidence really is

I'm sure most people would agree that the world is changing at a fast pace, and whether we like it or not, there's a greater focus on our personal brand. If we lack self-confidence, we have a weak brand that few people are interested in. If it's a pushy brand that we've created, then only certain people will be impressed. However, a confident, honest and likeable brand is one that the majority of people will come back to time and time again...

If you have any tips to share about how you have developed your self-confidence, I'd love to hear them!