tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77193920028001424132024-03-05T11:48:49.862+00:00Ask H2H2 Training & Consultancy: Dedicated to assisting people and their businesses to reach their full potential...Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-82141483774625101772014-01-20T17:25:00.000+00:002014-01-20T17:25:34.879+00:00How to achieve that elusive work-life balance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRppH1TzCYIP7RKi6WaLpEVv0IXFxs0EYf8kaskEj54i2azQ2_Cx-HzgCPbWlWEzpMxHgiKNXSNd6mAsf7cTgCJvPdfjfTrBV0uA4b7tbMRlC2475xI0xHixNSnq3MlZqlB4jUwOZRXS4/s1600/work-life+balance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRppH1TzCYIP7RKi6WaLpEVv0IXFxs0EYf8kaskEj54i2azQ2_Cx-HzgCPbWlWEzpMxHgiKNXSNd6mAsf7cTgCJvPdfjfTrBV0uA4b7tbMRlC2475xI0xHixNSnq3MlZqlB4jUwOZRXS4/s1600/work-life+balance.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So it's early Sunday morning, and one of the work phone lines rings (my partner and I both work from home when we're not out and about with clients.) He rushes to the phone, and I yell "Leave it!!! - Don't they know it's Sunday?". He answers it anyway, and after 20 minutes comes back and tells me it was just as well he did answer it, as it was an important new client on the brink of a huge new IT project for him... "Oh that's alright then" I say.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's the rub. I very much appreciate and value our down-time together, but I am also quite ambitious for our businesses, and get excited about the prospect of new projects. It occurred to me later that evening, after watching a film on TV that our principles and values are only strong to a point. Each person will from time to time feel conflicted when they find themselves in a situation that challenges these principles. The work phone ringing on a Sunday morning was, for me, one of those situations. But rather than beat myself up for too long for not sticking to my principles, I decided it was time to remind myself of why I believe in balancing work and non-work activities, and to put some "all-year resolutions" into place.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>First the benefits</strong> (I shouldn't need reminding of these, but here we go)</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Increased resilience - inevitable stressful situations are experienced as less threatening and leave less of a mark.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Increased tolerance of other people's behaviour - which protects relationships both in and out of work.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Better decision making and problem solving - clearer thought processes help me to identify not just obvious solutions, and to be more decisive.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Enhanced productivity - when rested, I can plough through administrative tasks as at a rate of knots. Whereas when I'm overdoing it, it becomes like wading through treacle.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Higher motivation - I absolutely love my job. But I appreciate it most when I'm looking after myself too.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Optimum performance - without a doubt, I can get into "The Zone" quicker and stay there longer when I've had some time off to recuperate and recharge my batteries.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">... All of which leads to greater productivity, happier customers and increased personal and business success.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><strong>The four step plan</strong> (How to improve your work-life balance)</span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><strong>Put down-time in the diary</strong> - It may seem a bit over controlling, but if you're used to working with a diary, then having an "appointment" to go out for a nice long walk with your family, or to mow the lawn (not at this time of year, I know!), then you're more likely to stick with it. We have a long standing joke at home that we plan to do something spontaneous every Saturday. Funny, but it works! It also means you can begin to find time for the things that you'd like to do but never have time for. Like create a time slot to go for that early morning run you've been saying you'll do this year, but haven't so far and it's over half way through January.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><strong>Evaluate and re-prioritise what you do with your time</strong> - If you take a look at how you spend your waking hours, you'll probably find that you spend quite a bit of time on people and activities that aren't valuable or life-enhancing. I don't mean finding chores that you hate, but looking for things that you're in the habit of doing that really don't give you many benefits. This could be spending excessive time searching the Internet for new ideas, or being a perfectionist and spending too long on getting unimportant tasks absolutely right. If you can stop yourself from wasting valuable time, you can replace it with more creative, joyful or relaxing activities that bring you the balance you're looking for,</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><strong>Don't do, delegate</strong> - A great example of a book that can inspire change without getting further than the title! Take a look at tasks that you currently do, both in and out of work, that you might be able to pass on (maybe just in part) to a willing helper. Looking to share tasks with other people will give them an opportunity to work with you and to learn from you. Don't keep your (washing-up) skills to yourself!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><strong>Invigorate and rejuvenate</strong> - If you think "Exercise" is an 8 letter word, then find an activity that gets you up off your desk chair, or off of your sofa, and gets your blood pumping. Better still, an activity that gets fresh air into your lungs and daylight onto your skin. Research has shown that this will work wonders to clear your head and keep you more alert. It could be a brisk walk, a game of football, or a spot of digging in the garden. Failing that, try a cool (not cold) shower, get someone to give you a regular back and shoulder massage, or take up some form of yoga or meditation.</span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So there it is, hardly rocket science, but making a few small changes will make all the difference. So next time the work phone rings on a Sunday, will I answer it? The answer is "maybe"... depends how I'm feeling!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Do let me know your ideas for achieving work-life balance. Have you made any new year's resolutions that are already proving beneficial?</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-44656318154919176662012-08-30T13:59:00.000+01:002012-08-30T14:01:36.852+01:00How to conquer procrastination (before it conquers you!)<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrTOKVNS9jbH4s3FU7ckVXq0I7tuiOF2HhyphenhyphenDSJE8_IO1b57bd36pt0tzWntN8wOwjF1IGXLy3ETot-QxWLlUobMJivp87oYhgKjLsRxMI0vpWD9V8Kv8v1MBzOM95BO51MzPaT99jyBdU/s1600/procrastination.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" fea="true" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrTOKVNS9jbH4s3FU7ckVXq0I7tuiOF2HhyphenhyphenDSJE8_IO1b57bd36pt0tzWntN8wOwjF1IGXLy3ETot-QxWLlUobMJivp87oYhgKjLsRxMI0vpWD9V8Kv8v1MBzOM95BO51MzPaT99jyBdU/s320/procrastination.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A couple of days ago, the BBC published an <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19389707" target="_blank">article</a> in their online News Magazine to accompany a Radio 4 broadcast about one of my pet topics: "Procrastination".</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ask anyone you know if they are "guilty of procrastination" and they're likely to own up to putting things off from time to time... So it wasn't a particular surprise to learn that Professor Piers Steel, author of The Procrastination Equation, has found in his extensive research that 95% of us procrastinate at some point! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Procrastination is an umbrella term to describe all the behaviours which avoid or delay doing things that we don't want to do, or don't like doing. There's a myriad of behaviours that we have at our disposal, from minimising the importance of tasks, to ignoring them completely, to justifying our approach as somehow more beneficial than just doing something. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">We are all very different in what we like doing, how we like to do things and why we want to do things... </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So for me, the issue of procrastination is a complex one that will never be solved with a one-size-fits-all solution. Some people really don't see any problem for themselves in leaving tasks until they become critical, or life-threatening. (Their colleagues, friends and family may feel differently, but that's another matter.) In fact, they may well 'defend' their approach to work/life by saying that they're a perfectionist, or that they work better under pressure. Others will say that they know they procrastinate, but they have no idea how to stop doing it - they have a yearning that 'someday' (when they're less busy, stressed, distracted...) they'll sort themselves out and learn to take control. But you know where 'someday' gets us: not very far at all!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Everyone sits somewhere along the continuum of "happy to procrastinate" through to "desperate to stop procrastinating". Where we sit on that continuum will depend on the day of the week/month, the season of the year, the tasks in question and the people by whom we are surrounded. I imagine it as a set of scales, with the desire to act on one side and the perceived dread or dislike of doing whatever it is, on the other side. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Whichever is stronger will always win. So </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">unless you really, really <em>want</em> to stop procrastinating <em>more</em> than you want to avoid doing whatever the task is, then you'll never break the vicious cycle.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So what's the solution? I believe the first step involves becoming more conscious of the choices we make on a day-to-day, minute-by-minute basis. Rather than just 'going with the flow', seeing where our mood and un-checked inclination takes us, we can choose to consciously consider what we do with our time and why we're doing it. If we sit at our desk in the morning, open up our emails and just click through until something interesting grabs our attention, the likelihood is that we won't be putting our time to particularly good use. If there's a task that never seems to get ticked on our to-do-list, or something that we always seem to do in a panic at the last possible minute, then the first step is to understand why.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">This first step will need a fair amount of courage and honesty. Is it that it seems too much like hard work? or perhaps it's because we're afraid of failure (so we don't want to even try in case we get it wrong). It could just be that we don't know where to start, or that it seems like an overwhelming mountain to climb. On the other hand, it could be that we're just not into doing things that we don't enjoy - particularly if there's no obvious immediate personal gain. The list is endless.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Once you have your most likely answer (or combination of answers) then, and only then can you begin to create a plan of action to address the issues. If you find this step difficult, and you're genuinely determined to get to the bottom of it, you may need to enlist the help of a trustworthy and supportive friend or colleague to explore the issues with you. It's not helpful to see it as a personality assassination, or a blame game - simply a detached analysis of what's getting in the way of you tackling particular tasks before you get to the "oh no, now I'm in real trouble" stage.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Here are a few suggestions for counteracting some of the most common reasons for procrastinating:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;"><strong>Unconvinced that procrastination is a problem?</strong></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Identify the price of procrastination in terms of your reputation and relationships. Ask your immediate colleagues, friends and family how your procrastinating affects them. Then ask yourself, is it really worth it?</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"></span><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Admit that procrastination is a lack of self-discipline and not a skill or technique - </span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but it is within your power to overcome it.</span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"></span></span><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Recognise the impact your procrastination has on others and show more consideration to people by planning properly and involving them at the appropriate time.</span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Remind yourself that tasks rarely get easier, or go away because they have been postponed.</span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;">Convince yourself of the benefits to you, your colleagues, friends, family or anyone else that matters to you - if you do it sooner rather than later.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #073763;"><br /></span><span style="color: #073763;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><strong><div>
<span style="color: #073763;">Overwhelmed by how much there is to do, or don't know where to start?</span></div>
</strong></span><span style="color: #073763;"></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Make a plan that breaks down the task into achievable chunks with estimated time allowances and time scales.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Small deadlines are so much easier to deal with than one large overwhelming task. </span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Aim to get the task completed a while before any deadline - so that you allow for any unexpected interruptions and obtain a second opinion if required.</span></span></span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Before you get going, identify any areas of the task that you may need help with, so that you can enlist the appropriate help in good time.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><o:p><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you can, involve others early on in the task and approach it as a team effort. This could help you all avoid procrastinating, as you won’t want to let each other down.</span></span></span></span></span></span></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><o:p><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"></span></span><span style="color: #073763;">If the task involves a particular frame of mind, such as being creative, or feeling positive, or having clarity of thought - plan to do it when you know you are most likely to be feeling that way. (Leaving a complex or creative task until after lunch is not usually very productive!)</span></span></span></span></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><o:p><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don’t allow the task to get out of control because you are being too fussy about certain elements – stay focused on the overall objective of the task, and what you are trying to achieve from it. ("Good enough is good enough")</span></span></o:p></span></span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;"><strong>The task is dull and boring, or something you don't like doing?</strong></span></span></span></o:p><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Plan to do it when you are at your least energetic - you'll be pleased to plod your way through something un-challenging.</span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Visualise yourself getting on with the task and realise how good you will feel if you complete it on time. Compare that with how bad you will feel if you don’t.</span></span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #073763;">Promise yourself a reward for completing it – and make sure you follow-through!<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></li>
</ul>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;"><strong><br />You're easily distracted, or you just keep forgetting to do things?</strong></span></span></span></o:p><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Find and implement a reminder system that suits you - it could be Outlook task manager, an alarm on your phone, a simple diary/to do list on the wall, or a reminder by text or email from a friend. Use it to prompt yourself when it's time to start on a particular task that you've scheduled.</span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When the time comes, try cutting yourself off from distractions (turn your phone off, go to a private room, or tell others that you don't want to be disturbed for an hour or so. Then just get on with it until your allotted time is up, or until you have completed the first stage.</span></span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;">You may get distracted because you have a short attention span, or because you're attempting to do too much at once. If this is the case, make yourself stop, focus on something else and return to it at an allotted time.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;">Tell others what you're getting on with, and let them know when you've finished, so they can congratulate you. (In a totally non-patronising way, of course!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #073763;">Promise yourself a reward for staying focused and not being distracted – and make sure you follow-through!<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></li>
</ul>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin','sans-serif';"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;"><strong><br />You don't see the task as a major priority?</strong></span></span></span></o:p><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'VAG Rounded Thin';"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: #073763;"></span></span></span><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;">Consider the consequences of continuing to leave the task uncompleted. If it genuinely won't make a jot of difference to you, or to others - cross it off your to do list and don't give it another thought.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;">If you have other more important priorities right now, but you can envisage a future problem if you keep putting it off, schedule a specific date and time when you'll make a start.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;">If you have lost sight of how important the task is in the grand scheme of things (you're getting too bogged down with small, less significant things) take time to write down your personal goals and priorities. Work out how this task fits in, and remind yourself of the value of completing it sooner rather than later.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hope you'll find these few ideas useful. The key is not to try them all, but to understand what's behind your particular procrastination, and to tackle it with a strategy that is most likely to work. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To me, the most worrying part of the research findings shared by the BBC is that serious procrastinators are apparently less wealthy, less healthy and less happy than those who don't delay. So if you do happen to catch yourself justifying your procrastination to yourself or to others, it may be a good idea to stop and think about what's really going on, just in case you're inadvertently covering up a ticking time bomb...</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-87650491171546767222012-08-08T14:24:00.001+01:002012-08-08T14:24:43.446+01:00What is "Slow Learning"?<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
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This week, I've been thinking about "Accelerated Learning". For anyone who hasn't come across AL, it's a very broad term which encompasses a wide range of diverse techniques, methodologies and approaches to teaching and to learning. AL basically uses the latest brain research to help you learn faster and remember more.<br />
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My initial reaction when I first heard about AL many years ago was "great!" - After all, who wouldn't want to learn faster, and to remember more? <br />
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If you read my blog post in March this year, entitled: <a href="http://h2training.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/would-you-like-fries-with-that.html" target="_blank">"Would you like fries with that?"</a> you'll be forgiven for thinking that I'm a food obsessed trainer! Actually, I <em>am</em> partial to good wholesome cooking, but I also happen to see a lot of analogies between food and learning... particularly between Fast Food and Accelerated Learning, and "Slow Food" and "Slow Learning".<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You may have heard of "Slow Food" (The international movement founded by </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/wiki/Carlo_Petrini" title="Carlo Petrini"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Carlo Petrini</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> in 1986.) Slow Food UK explains:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>"In the fast modern junk food environment, Slow Food is the voice of calm reason and quality. We work to promote the greater enjoyment of food through a better understanding of its taste, quality and production."</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So what is "Slow Learning"? It's actually a term I've started using to describe the type of learning that is not intended or designed to be a quick fix, nor a speedy short cut to developing skills. It's a concept that embraces the value and benefits of taking time to develop and hone skills, to learn through experience, and to build an expertise which only time, reflection and guided learning can bring...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I should perhaps point out here, (as I did in my previous "...fries with that?" blog post) that I don't feel there's anything <em>wrong</em> with Accelerated Learning - in fact there are a lot of very useful AL techniques that I regularly use in my training - to help make the experience memorable and the learning easier to digest. My interest in the concept of "Slow Learning" is not about discrediting an approach which so clearly has it's place, but it is about suggesting that there's another way, which perhaps we have lost sight of.</span><br />
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There can't be a person in the UK who hasn't been watching (or at least keeping up with) the Olympics.... If you were to ask any of the medal winners what's the secret of their success, they're unlikely to say that they simply attended an intensive 1 or 2 day training session and rocked up at the Olympic Park! The Olympians, whether medal winners or competitors are a fantastic example of dedication, hard work, positive mental attitude and tenacity: all qualities which I believe are central to the concept of "Slow Learning".<br />
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I do worry that if we continue to promote the idea of speeding up learning by shortening the process, we will end up with the same kind of legacy that we are experiencing from the "Fast Food" movement. On the surface, not wasting your day with picking, plucking, preparing and cooking your food sounds brilliant. And even better, being able to grab what you need whilst on the go, and extremely cheaply seems too good an opportunity to miss! However, we've now discovered that for all the advantages, there are just as many disadvantages. Most significantly, the addictive nature of food that lacks nutritional value, and the generations of people who have become de-skilled, and disinterested in <em>real</em> food and nutrition.<br />
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In a similar way, it seems to me that we have developed a "<em>how hard can it be?</em>" culture, with people becoming so called "experts" in a couple of days, because they are intelligent enough to be able to absorb the key concepts from a book or from a day's training... More often these days, I meet groups of corporate trainees who come along to training with an expectation of simply being given quick answers. They have little appetite for understanding the underpinning concepts, or mastering the skills which will help them to solve a myriad of similar problems. They have short attention spans, and seem unwilling to accept that tried and tested techniques may take time to learn and to perfect.<br />
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So are we playing into the perceived need for speeding everything up, learning more for less, and in less time? Or are we simply adapting to the culture of our time?<br />
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Personally, I still see the intrinsic value of taking time to complete the "prepare, act, review and forward-plan" cycle. Which is why I promote the idea of "Slow Learning" as a healthy, beneficial alternative to quick fix training.<br />
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I'd love to hear your views!</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-56715948651253174192012-08-02T18:02:00.001+01:002012-08-02T18:02:22.378+01:00Can trust and rapport be faked?<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbMg9xi1lgqRjilFhZEHkTdbMf4nAN-lbggILdhcd95qlivuZ836xZRJeLnIgw3JHnfAe4o7qvyLP5ecibI7dFphlJwQbVrsuiLqydCnImvMoo7ceo8sy5zg4I6zLyE_gjSd8gANh0ceE/s1600/Kaa-the-python-kaa-the-python-24495042-600-600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbMg9xi1lgqRjilFhZEHkTdbMf4nAN-lbggILdhcd95qlivuZ836xZRJeLnIgw3JHnfAe4o7qvyLP5ecibI7dFphlJwQbVrsuiLqydCnImvMoo7ceo8sy5zg4I6zLyE_gjSd8gANh0ceE/s200/Kaa-the-python-kaa-the-python-24495042-600-600.jpg" width="200" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do you remember Kaa the snake in Disney's Jungle Book? Although he was just an animated character, he had a profound effect on me as a child. It was probably the first time that it had occurred to me that seemingly 'nice' people could actually be disingenuous. Even today, I still hear that memorable song: "Trussssssssst in meeeeee" whenever my manipulation radar goes off!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The question of whether trust and rapport can be faked may seem obvious: I'm sure you can easily bring to mind several unscrupulous people that you've come across who have managed to use their charm to get what they want. Whether their own interests are money, power, status or simply self-preservation, there are many individuals (and corporations) who are able to influence others by creating a feeling of trust and building a form of rapport.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm particularly interested in the every-day interactions between colleagues, suppliers, business partners and managers - the ones where every day, ordinary people create every day, ordinary relationships with each other. As a trainer and coach, one of the questions I often get asked is how to develop trust and rapport. In fact my post on <a href="http://h2training.blogspot.co.uk/2007_08_01_archive.html" target="_blank">Building Trust and Rapport</a> is by far the most viewed article since I started blogging back in 2007. Whilst it is great news to see that so many people are interested in my musings, it has got me thinking about <em>WHY</em> so many people are looking for tips</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> on this subject.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why is there an increased need to find quick answers, or magic formulas for creating trust and rapport? We are being regularly told by many different 'experts' that the traditional ways of selling, influencing and doing business are becoming unfashionable and ineffective. Apparently the key to success now lies in our ability to develop relationships with the people we do business with. There's plenty of evidence on <a href="http://www.linkedin.com/company/417486?trk=pro_other_cmpy" target="_blank">LinkedIn</a>: it's positively buzzing with people connecting, exchanging views, messages and information in an attempt to get to know each other. Seeing your number of online connections growing daily, and having interesting dialogues with people you'd be unlikely to find or meet off-line, may give you a buzz, but it's obviously not all just for fun - it's because there's a growing understanding that these sorts of interactions can create very valuable foundations for a relationship with possibilities. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">From a psychological point of view, those who are trusted, and those who trust others, tend to experience less stress and feel generally higher levels of wellbeing. They are also in a far better position to be able to create collaborative, win-win relationships and gain the support of others. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We know that people buy from those they trust. They are more influenced by those they trust, and they share information with people who they consider trustworthy... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So anyone who is unscrupulous, desperate or just very outcome focussed who wants to sell, influence or to collect valuable information may well be tempted to seek the "Trussssssssst in meeeeee" approach. But does it work? The answer has to be "sometimes" - as there are those who are naturally quite trusting (some might say naive). However, when I'm asked about tricks for developing trust and rapport in my training or coaching sessions, I always share a small but important caveat with my list of tips... And that is, that if you are not totally genuine, then trying to build a trusting relationship for your own motives is a very high risk strategy. Human beings are highly sensitive to the almost imperceptible clues that give a disingenuous person away. If you're spotted, then the relationship is pretty much ruined. And if you're caught out a little way down the line, because they trusted you initially - you risk losing your reputation and credibility not only with that person, but with many others in their network.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">My advice is therefore not to be tempted to learn a whole battery of tricks and techniques, but to examine your own motives and to give some real consideration for the needs and interests of the other party. Only when your heart is genuinely aligned with the needs and interests of the other person instead of just your own, will you be able to communicate authentically, and in a way which will create genuine and valuable trust and rapport.</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-2626261757371123782012-07-04T17:50:00.001+01:002012-07-04T18:05:45.617+01:00Is Social Media a new platform for passive-aggression?<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwc63PZuvwf-ehE70rMlJ9JljNTKB491SaS4SSLkt9W2I5rJMWG_t6qHsh6letKZUWycvaWaOpv0zcy7AK-b4XehzlSpUrE2KTeBKvIljN-zTBSMbAPRdzLscP3Y84rsVT7z8egdWpUl4/s1600/Bashing+Computer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; height: 199px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; width: 228px;"><img border="0" height="182" sca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwc63PZuvwf-ehE70rMlJ9JljNTKB491SaS4SSLkt9W2I5rJMWG_t6qHsh6letKZUWycvaWaOpv0zcy7AK-b4XehzlSpUrE2KTeBKvIljN-zTBSMbAPRdzLscP3Y84rsVT7z8egdWpUl4/s200/Bashing+Computer.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So someone has annoyed you, upset you, angered you or insulted you. You've been on the receiving end of poor service, or you have been deeply disappointed by something you've experienced...</span></div>
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<span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;">Do you:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;"><em>a) Calmly explain the problem to the person and seek to find a swift resolution?</em></span></div>
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<span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana;"><em>b) Tell them directly, in no uncertain terms how they've 'made you feel'?</em></span></div>
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<em><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">c) </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Go onto Facebook and Twitter and share your experience/vent your feelings with everyone you know?</span></span></em></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I recently stayed at a hotel the night before running a training course, and I could honestly say that I experienced all of the above emotions. It was a truly terrible night at a grossly over-priced and mis-marketed hotel. (and breathe...) As a trainer of "Assertive Communication" I am always alert to the possibility that my own behaviour might not always be as assertive as I'd like it to be. After all, we're all human! However, I do make a conscious effort to use my well-honed communication skills when in a difficult situation. They've often helped me to turn around a dynamic that seems to be spiralling downwards, or when I've had to deal with someone who's behaving aggressively towards me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">On this particular occasion, I began with option a). I gave the manager the benefit of the doubt, suggested there had been a mistake and hoped they could put it right. Rather than accept the opportunity to save face (they could easily have pretended there was a mistake!) he instead responded defensively. Being </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">honest, I was probably so shocked that he didn't see any reason to resolve the situation, that I didn't stay entirely neutral. I certainly avoided insulting the manager despite his dismissive and sarcastic attitude, but I was still very direct with my criticism of the hotel. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">So when he continued to stonewall me, what did I do? I stomped off, ran a fantastic training course (yes, it really was fantastic!) and when I got home I reached straight for my keyboard and wrote a no holds barred Trip Advisor review, and posted a link to it on Facebook just for good measure!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Did it resolve anything? I don't think so. Actually I know so. Said manager replied on Trip Advisor by insulting my judgment and accusing me of being a liar and a spreader of negativity. But did I feel better when I wrote it? Erm yes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So what's the point I'm making here? I guess that what this experience has made me think about is the way in which Social Media has given individuals more of a voice, but also a new platform for passive aggression. We can share our views and tip each other off about businesses and situations to avoid, and if enough people say the same thing, we can even effect change. But the downside, apart from the legal aspect of potentially committing libel, is that ranting on the internet rarely achieves much - apart from a short term satisfaction of getting our own back.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">In my assertive communicaiton training courses, we examine the nature and consequences of passive-aggressive behaviour. This experience, I'm sad to say is probably going to be used as an example to illustrate passive-aggression.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">There's something about the relative anonymity of the Internet, where people feel safe to insult or criticise others (fairly and unfairly) without having to look them in the eye. I'll admit to resorting to it, but only having tried the more direct, assertive approach which didn't work. A good excuse? Not really. My own professional training tells me that feedback (particularly criticism) should be given in private - and only praise should be given in public.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Maybe one of the benefits of communicating in this indirect way, is that it avoids physical bust-ups, but the emotional impact can be just as, if not more damaging. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">My heart goes out to children and young adults who find themselves bullied on the Internet, and to people in the public eye who have cyber stalkers and 'haters' who post disgustingly offensive messages on public forums. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So where do we draw the line? If I share my candid review of a terrible experience at a hotel, am I just as bad as the haters who enjoy spreading negativity? Or am I actually a conscientious traveller, who wants to share my honest views with others so they can avoid experiencing what I did? I know which one I'd like to think I am...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Let me know what you think!</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-2072072376949995262012-06-16T15:35:00.001+01:002012-06-18T10:23:21.479+01:00What is "Method Learning"?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrS3b_alxd0n3UU5hDVOP_0QrvoS2QYmksbqFXIzg6Mr7q76aeGEw3DMB5oEBYlHIMbn26ZLELdWNtFy7s8sv9olwzUGuV2gzdNSSuIh2nLwmkUuBezjGrBvI2UyfTOkeAGnvjxw4oVCk/s1600/parachute_jumper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" pca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrS3b_alxd0n3UU5hDVOP_0QrvoS2QYmksbqFXIzg6Mr7q76aeGEw3DMB5oEBYlHIMbn26ZLELdWNtFy7s8sv9olwzUGuV2gzdNSSuIh2nLwmkUuBezjGrBvI2UyfTOkeAGnvjxw4oVCk/s200/parachute_jumper.jpg" width="199" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">There are certain expressions and pieces of advice that stick in the mind. Here's one that I picked up at the start of a training course I attended a couple of years ago:</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: purple; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">"Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open"</span></b><em> </em>Lord Thomas Robert Dewar<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">This is a very vivid analogy, which is why I like it. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Imagine how it would feel if you were careering towards the ground with a closed parachute! Now if you're a sky diver or a dare devil type, perhaps this is an exhilarating thought. Whatever your thoughts or experiences of parachuting, you're likely to conjur up either an enjoyable adrenalin rush, or the feelings of sheer terror.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #073763;">Any kind of anecdote or quote which evokes an emotional response is far more likely to stick in the mind than an isolated fact or piece of information. That's because our emotional memories tend to be far deeper and longer lasting than our cognitive memories. The method in "Method Acting" refers to the practice pioneered by </span><span style="color: #0645ad;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanislavski%27s_system" target="_blank"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Constantin Stanislavski</span></a></span><span style="color: #073763;"> and advocated by </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee_Strasberg" target="_blank" title="Lee Strasberg"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lee Strasberg</span></span></a><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">, by which actors draw upon their own emotional memories in order to enhance their performance.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">For a similar reason, emotional memories can enhance our ability to teach or to learn new skills. I've recently dubbed this approach: "Method Learning". </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">In a similar way to Method Acting, Method Learning involves individuals connecting to their own emotional memories in order enhance their ability to imbibe, recall and implement their learning. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So for example, if you attend one of my Management & Supervision Skills courses, you will be asked early on in the session to recall various experiences of being managed yourself. As you remember the circumstances and the range of positive and negative experiences, you begin to ‘hook into’ your emotional memory. This then becomes the starting point for creating your own powerful strategy for moving forward. Rather than asking you to remember the 6 most important things that "<em>managers</em>" do, you will leave with, and will hopefully remember for a long time, the most poignant and valuable things <em>you can do</em> to be the best manager <em>you</em> <em>can be</em> – as these will be based on, and anchored by your own emotional memories.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br /><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You don’t need to attend a special training course to be able to use “Method Learning” – you simply need to be able to find the emotional connection with whatever it is you want to learn. It may be the anticipation of the benefits of learning whatever it is, or the determination to avoid the consequences of standing still. It may be the fear of replicating what others have done in the past, or the excitement of achieving something great.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br /><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />Very few people simply collect information or advice for the sake of it. I’d suggest that even the greatest quiz brains have their own emotional motivation to cram all those seemingly random, and often useless facts into their brains...<br /><br />So next time you'd like to learn something new, why not give "Method Learning" a go? After all, what have you got to lose?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Actually, really <u>do</u> ask yourself that question - "<em>What have I got to lose if I don't learn this?</em>" </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />If when you answer it, you can feel some kind of emotional reaction (such as excitement, fear, anticipation, determination), then you're definitely on the way to putting my "Method Learning" into practice!</span></span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-68587717652084342902012-05-17T12:57:00.000+01:002012-05-17T13:17:45.242+01:00How NOT to Network<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2XOV3NnC_2QLizK1NhfsU6wY5e4iow4RnVGBPJQ8flxrdUp7HlRK4LU3J3lVwF-uwLgyON8HQMYZE0AzvI7Ysk8l3dOYCzrcR4mYMcahrEgPeGdDzdpbzh7DWAOy05fzo1FhfxcNxlOU/s1600/Networking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2XOV3NnC_2QLizK1NhfsU6wY5e4iow4RnVGBPJQ8flxrdUp7HlRK4LU3J3lVwF-uwLgyON8HQMYZE0AzvI7Ysk8l3dOYCzrcR4mYMcahrEgPeGdDzdpbzh7DWAOy05fzo1FhfxcNxlOU/s1600/Networking.jpg" /></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>network / nétwerk</strong> n. & v. a group of people who exchange information, contacts, and experience for professional or social purposes. (The Oxford Dictionary)</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />Effective networking is a skill set that no serious professional of the 21st Century can be without. Whether you network in person or online, in any industry and at any career level, networking can help you to make connections in a personal way, and build relationships of support and respect that will help you to discover and create mutual benefits.<br /><br />But ask ten different people what networking is, and you may get as many as ten different answers. A person's definition of networking probably depends upon their own use of this important personal and professional activity. You may wish to make new friends, to find a new job, to develop your current career, to explore new career options, to obtain referrals or sales leads, or simply to broaden your professional horizons. Whatever your personal motivation to get involved, one of the most valuable tips I have picked up is to focus on networking as process of exchanging information, contacts and/or experience - rather than a means to an end. Why? Because it's one of the unspoken 'rules' that overtly and directly going for what you want, or even hinting at using your network for your own ends, is just not the done thing...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="color: black;"><br />There's certainly a huge minefield of unspoken 'rules' associated with face-to-face and online networking. You've probably discovered that people become very passionate about the 'right' way to behave, and often judgmental of anyone who gets it 'wrong'... I've certainly read many a blog comment about social networking etiquette - such as how insulting it is to ask people to connect on LinkedIn using the default message. It's fascinating how a seemingly insignificant action can stir up so much negative emotion! <br /><br />Anyway, I'm definitely NOT of the belief that we should all subscribe to the same set of rules, nor do I feel that anyone who inadvertently breaks the rules should be shunned, or chastised. Instead, I feel it's more helpful if we become a little more aware of ourselves and others in our interactions, and through reflection of what works and what doesn't work, to develop our own set of guidelines. So the following list of "No-No's" and tips are not intended to be a set of commandments. They're simply from my own observations that I'd like to share in the interests of making our collective networking activities more pleasurable and productive:</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">GENERAL NETWORKING "No-No's"</span></strong><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><strong><br /><br />Have no particular purpose in mind</strong> - It does you no good to attend any networking function, or to join an online networking group unless you have thought about why you are getting involved.</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><strong><br /><br />Don't introduce yourself</strong> - if you're not naturally gregarious, joining a physical or even a virtual room and introducing yourself can feel daunting. But it's a vital step to help get yourself known and part of the 'crowd'. Remember, if you’re feeling nervous, you’re probably thinking too much about yourself. Introductions are about making other people feel comfortable with you around... there's nothing more uncomfortable than a shadowy figure lurking in the background and listening in to your conversations!</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><strong><br /><br />Assume others are mind-readers</strong> – It's a big mistake to assume that everyone knows what you do, and what matters to you. Remember that networking often involves meeting people who are not in our industry, or who do not share our expertise. So spell it out, share your knowledge and help others to understand where you're coming from.</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><strong><br /><br />Try to be someone you're not -</strong> You may want to make a good impression, but trying to act out a persona that simply isn't you is a high risk strategy. Whether you're trying to seem more knowledgeable, more outgoing, more friendly, more successful... than you really are, you won't be able to keep it up for very long. Apart from being very stressful and energy consuming, trying to be who you think others will admire rarely works. Just be you, relax and converse in an uncontrived way. This will be far more impressive than any act you can put on.</span></span><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><br /><br />Behave selfishly - </strong>Not many people like to admit that they are selfish, but if you network only with a view to what you can get from it - and forget about what you are going offer, then you're in grave danger of appearing self-interested. Brad Burton, CEO of 4Networking recently warned of the danger of looking at people in a networking meeting as if they have ££££'s over their heads. So remember, if you can see £ signs over your fellow networkers heads, then the people you're looking at are likely see them reflected in your eyes!</span></span><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><br /><br />Compete with fellow networkers - </strong>If you're determined to use networking to find new sales leads, you're in danger of becoming competitive with anyone who appears to be getting in your way, or getting a head start. But there's nothing quite as cringe-worthy as watching someone with 'desperation' written all over them, using a variety of tactics to stand out from the crowd. By all means, be yourself and let your personality shine through, but not to extent of pushing others to the sidelines.<br /><br /><strong>Have all conversations in public</strong> - The conversations and discussions you begin in a public forum (whether in a huddle in the corner of a networking event, or in a discussion thread on a website) should not necessarily be continued in public. It's the Big Brother analogy... most participants in those reality shows will say that they get so used to being filmed 24/7, that they forget the cameras are recording every word! When you're networking, never forget that your comments and conversations are being overheard. Consider when would be a good point to take certain conversations to a private arena: whether it's to discuss a special project, broker a deal, or share your concerns about something or someone.</span></span><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><br /><br />Assume that networking ends once an event is over, or when you log out of a site</strong> - The most valuable part of networking actually happens outside of the public arena. So be sure to follow up with those you've met/chatted to, keep in direct contact, share information and offer to help in any way you can.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><br /><br />Fail to acknowledge any support or advice you receive from fellow networkers</strong> - Don't take the valuable contributions of others for granted. It's not your right to receive it, but a generous gift from those giving it. So make sure to give a "Thank You" or a note of recognition to any of your networking contacts who share information or help you in any way.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><br /></span><span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;">TIPS FOR WORKING A ROOM</span></span></strong><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /><span style="color: #20124d;">In many face-to-face networking events, you will find yourself with time to "mingle" amongst the other attendees before the formal programme begins. It may be beneficial for you to spend some time planning and preparing how you will "work the room" to get the most from your efforts.</span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><br /><br />1. Start with small-talk</strong>: prepare a few neutral questions in advance that you can ask, such as: </span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />- Tell me how you know the host, company, etc.</span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- What made you decide to come to this event? </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- What business you are in? </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- Have you been to one of these events before? <br /><br /><strong>2. Let preparation and practice be your guide:</strong> spend some time planning your conversation generators - Read that day’s newspapers or look at magazine covers (of business, and general interest publications) – each source replenishes your conversation starter repertoire. Focus on neutral topics: </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- The latest news or events</span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- Be observant – what is around you? The location, the building, etc.</span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- Look for topics of common interest, and share interesting or amusing stories that will resonate with the other people<br /><br /><strong>3. Don't stay too long in one place:</strong> after 5 or 6 minutes, excuse yourself with a pleasantry such as, "It was nice meeting you ... "<br /><br /><strong>4. If the event features a meal, practice good table etiquette to make the best impression: </strong></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">make the introductions, and proceed as if you're the host of the table:</span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- Start conversations by asking questions: why people are there, what they hope to gain, how they found out about the event. </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- Avoid monopolising the conversation.</span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- Keep your business cards handy but don't deal them out impersonally.</span><br /><strong><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /><span style="font-size: large;">CONCLUSION</span></span></strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Networking can be a fun and easy way to enrich your life, broaden your horizons, and enhance your career. But, it can also be potentially devastating if you act rudely, insensitively, or ignore the needs and desires of others. Remember, crucial to your success is that you treat networking as an exchange of ideas, information and experience. You are not selling or simply telling or "sponging" off of others for your own benefit only. Be generous in sharing your talents, experiences, and ideas, and always be respectful of those around you. That way, you will gain far more than you could ever imagine.</span></div>
Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-54809538648516898442012-03-30T15:03:00.008+01:002012-03-30T16:04:47.524+01:00How do you make changes stick?<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsKDzUPbu2CNb1suthxKNQBHGOBvEyjSzs-XPcdheubwN2qn4_rKusqT2oYww2-M73IH1GAByeTL26vTDHMvkdyq-ywi0YdZm_tLZayRdyJoLcUvYgtp0ksm8CGo28rviIbyI08BGdPrs/s1600/sticking_plaster.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" dea="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsKDzUPbu2CNb1suthxKNQBHGOBvEyjSzs-XPcdheubwN2qn4_rKusqT2oYww2-M73IH1GAByeTL26vTDHMvkdyq-ywi0YdZm_tLZayRdyJoLcUvYgtp0ksm8CGo28rviIbyI08BGdPrs/s320/sticking_plaster.JPG" width="212" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Over the past 20 or more years of working in training and development, I’ve been particularly concerned about my ability to affect real, sustainable change. For many people, arranging or attending training is about finding a ‘quick fix’ to a specific problem, or about acquiring valuable new skills in a few hours which will transform their performance for ever-more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It sounds a bit over-optimistic doesn’t it? Well my answer is yes and no…</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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I really do believe that training can and does help to address specific problems and anyone can learn valuable new skills through training – otherwise I wouldn’t be in the business I am in! However, here’s the catch: It’s never going to be that quick or that easy. Anyone who thinks they can go on a course, read a book or listen to a lecture and can go away transformed will be bitterly disappointed. Whilst our intellectual selves may be bright enough to grasp the concepts – even to predict or pre-empt what is being taught, it is our emotional selves that take a bit longer to catch on…</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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Have you ever been told about a fantastic new way of dealing with a difficult situation, such as how to structure a conversation with a difficult employee, or how to say ‘no’ to a bullying boss? You may have given it a go with some early success, but then found that you never got any further or that it never got any easier? The chances are, having tried it a couple of times, you will have decided that it couldn’t have been particularly good advice in the first place…</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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Well not necessarily so. In order to be totally certain, you need to be sure that you have been through the four stages of personal development in order to make them part of your natural skill set, before you can categorically say whether it works for you or not. The four stages of development needn’t take long, or be too difficult, but you will need to go through each one. If any of the steps are missed out, or rushed then the sustainable changes you’re looking for are unlikely to happen.</span><br />
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Here’s a quick overview of the four steps to sustainable skills development:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Step 1: Acceptance</strong></span><br />
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It can be extremely difficult to step back from your busy day-to-day activities and to take an honest look at what’s going on. A certain amount of courage is required to face the things that we’re not particularly good at, or the things we’re doing or not doing that are not producing the outcomes we want. But this is a really important stage, because we need to be able to face the reality of the situation before we can plan how we are going to move forward and make the right changes. The way in which we experience this stage is critical. If we are challenged too quickly, too harshly or too much in one go, then we will become overwhelmed/defensive and we will revert to the comfort of ‘blissful ignorance’.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Step 2: Understanding the Reality of the Situation</strong></span><br />
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Only once we have accepted the reality of the situation, are we truly going to want to change and to learn. Step two is about becoming conscious of the underlying causes, the ‘system’ and the ‘triggers’ that initiate or support the undesirable behaviour. Simply increasing awareness of these can be a huge step towards making the desired changes.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For example, you may be ready to face reality that your lack of skills or confidence in a particular area isn’t what you want anymore. Now you need to start to notice what is happening, both internally and externally: What are other people saying and doing? and what are you thinking and feeling? If you identify any unhelpful patterns of behaviour or any illogical patterns of thought that may be preventing you from applying the new skills, then part of your change strategy will need to address these. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Step 3: Practice</strong></span><br />
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Only once we have completed steps one and two, are we ready to make the changes. Although most people would really like the change to be as quick and easy as it was to desire it, sustainable change often needs intensive practice until the new patterns of behaviour become the new habit.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The mistake we often make is to assume that because we feel motivated for change right now, we will necessarily feel the same next week or next month. Many people report a short-lived high after training, which can fade fast and lead to disappointment. This is because life has a tendency to resist change in order to maintain the status quo, pushing us back to where we were. But if we allow this to happen, we can end up feeling even worse, as despite our best intentions we have clearly failed...</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The best way to avoid ‘relapse’ is to persist, finding various ways of keeping ourselves on track until the new behaviour becomes a natural part of our repertoire. By this time, the people and situations around us will also have adapted and changed. Step three is therefore about regular practice.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even if the new behaviour feels easy and change seems instantaneous, you are strongly advised to build in opportunities to practice and reflect, in order to consolidate the change and keep it in place. Remember that you may need to return to steps 1 and 2 as more information comes to hand or circumstances change.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Step 4: Reflect and Celebrate</strong></span><br />
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The final step is about taking the time to reflect on the changes that we’ve made, and celebrate our successes. Reflection is an important part of making sustainable change and it goes hand in hand with practice. Each time we try to implement a new behaviour, or to avoid an unwanted behaviour, we need to identify what has worked and why it has worked. This will help to keep us motivated and on track to making the changes part and parcel of our natural being. It will also help us to refine our future efforts so that we develop our own version of the behaviour – and not just a copy-cat version that we have heard about on a course or in a book.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Try not to focus too long on things that you ‘should’ or ‘could’ have done better. The energy spent on regret and guilt are far better redirected towards improving the future.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When you are sure that the change you’ve made is truly part of the new you, then find a way to celebrate the learning. </span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">............................</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>THE HOLE: Life-Long Learning in a Week</strong></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">(Inspired By Portia Nelson’s “There’s a hole in my sidewalk”)</span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Monday</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m walking down the road minding my own business.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is a deep hole that I don’t see, and I fall in.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s not my fault I fell in!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feel lost, helpless and angry.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It takes me forever to climb out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Tuesday</strong></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
I’m walking down the same road minding my own business.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The deep hole is still there, but I wish it wasn’t there.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I fall in again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can't believe I am the hole again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it still isn't my fault!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It takes a long time to climb out.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Wednesday</strong></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
I’m walking down the same road minding my own business.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The deep hole is still there and I can clearly see it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I still fall in, because falling in has become a habit of mine.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know where I am and this time I accept it’s my fault.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I climb out - it’s a little easier than last time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m hoping nobody has seen me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Thursday</strong></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
I’m walking down the same road minding my own business.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The deep hole is still there and I can see it is there.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I try to walk around it, but I still fall in.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s nobody’s fault.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A passer-by quickly pulls me out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m very grateful.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
<strong>Friday</strong><br />
I’m walking down the same road minding my own business.<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The deep hole is still there and I can see it is there.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm determined not to fall in.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I stumble but I don't fall in. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hope nobody noticed.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Saturday</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m walking down the same road minding my own business.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The deep hole is still there and I can see it is there.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I carefully walk around it.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m so pleased with myself.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><br />
I tell all my friends, "I didn't fall in!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Sunday</strong></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
I’ve found a different road to walk down.</span></span></span></div></div>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-88657754827289842292012-03-02T15:52:00.001+00:002012-03-02T15:54:36.185+00:00Would you like fries with that?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGgeq1GVHUaoiZBB7F0FFpy3cchs70vnvwgCMcOoPQYXC8hpjEo6nTjnLtXYObunsOnJFTcIijrN97lkBtyHMVZasWl-m11wVKjaB0IX_FVQwOj96P54GIh_RPuw1gUVy5aHJMbdYLuNs/s1600/macTraining.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGgeq1GVHUaoiZBB7F0FFpy3cchs70vnvwgCMcOoPQYXC8hpjEo6nTjnLtXYObunsOnJFTcIijrN97lkBtyHMVZasWl-m11wVKjaB0IX_FVQwOj96P54GIh_RPuw1gUVy5aHJMbdYLuNs/s200/macTraining.JPG" uda="true" width="176" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You're feeling hungry and there's nothing in your fridge. It's too late to go to the supermarket and buy something to cook from scratch, and so you agree with your partner that tonight's the perfect night for a meal out... Do you:</span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">a) Go to the nearest drive-through fast food chain, buy a bargain party box and eat it in the car?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">b) Head for your local Indian/Chinese/Thai restaurant and order a set menu for two to take home?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">c) Return to your favourite restaurant and pick the things you know you love off the a la carte menu?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">d) Try out the 8 course tasting menu you've been promising yourself at a fabulous Michelin star restaurant 10 miles away?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Whatever your answer, you're probably wondering what on earth this has to do with training... (if you're not, then you're on the wrong blog!) Well it occurs to me that selecting a training company/consultant can be a bit like the above scenario:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Firstly, many businesses will only decide to invite a third party training company when they discover a performance issue that needs addressing - and there's nobody in-house with the skills/experience or expertise to deliver it. (Ref: feeling hungry and discovering there's nothing in the fridge)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Then there's the issue of needing to find a quick training solution as the issue may start to impact on other aspects of the business, such as customer complaints, lost deals, or declining productivity. The understandable temptation is to skip the process of thorough planning - after all, there's a pressing need. (Ref: no time to cook from scratch)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So it's agreed, call in a training company. But which one? There's a huge choice of providers who would all be more than happy to provide you with training. (Ref: choice of restaurants, many with colourful adverts, special offers, or waiters standing on the street to entice you in!) The business decision for training may be based on the available budget; on what has worked in the past; or on finding something different or better than before. As with your choice of restaurant, you can be sure you'll get something to eat and with any luck, it won't poison you. The same with your choice of training company: people get trained, and they usually don't return to work with diminished skills and/or confidence.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The analogy continues in relation to the satisfaction you get having made your choice. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">There's no denying that I sometimes have a craving for fast food, but I know it's not particularly good for me, and I will probably feel hungry again after an hour or so. It never really hits the spot, but it can be a quick fix in certain circumstances and then you're really grateful for it. You really wouldn't want a gourmet meal every time, and your local restaurants can get a bit boring...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The same goes for training:</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: Verdana;">There are lots of "bite-sized" training offerings that can be squeezed into a lunch break (both puns intended). They aim to give participants a quick overview or introduction to a topic and the onus is on the individuals to extract the relevant bits and apply them to their own situations.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;">An 'off-the-shelf' course is a bit like a set menu. If there's enough on there that you like, then you don't mind the odd dish (training module) being not to your liking. They usually represent good value and you know they've been tried and tested.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;">An a la carte menu is like bespoke training, in which you make your own selections. However, you do rely on the waiter (training provider) to advise you on the quantity of dishes (modules) and whether they'd go well together. Failing that, you can always return to your personal favourites.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Finally, the award winning meal at the fine dining restaurant. It's expensive and it's a treat, but it's prepared and served by experts and is likely to impress. This is the equivalent of the high-end learning and development 'intervention' which is designed and delivered by highly skilled trainers and coaches. It will usually have the best long-term results, but it requires a real investment of both time and money.</span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: Verdana;">The last time I had a meal at an award winning restaurant, I promised myself that I should try to dine out less frequently and go for quality every time... Did I stick to that? No I didn't. We had a take-away last night. It's probably because each of the choices have their place - as do the various training options...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">However, I can't help but think: who wouldn't be excited to find a mid-priced yet unfailingly high quality eatery on your doorstep, with an ever changing menu? I'd be its most loyal customer!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Do you have any experiences that fit into the restaurant/training analogy? I'd love to hear them!</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-51131031731247350362011-11-24T16:26:00.002+00:002011-11-24T16:31:03.957+00:00Just who's calling the shots?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqYn_Ph7EK9bOo_NB10FQATp1Ys3pEswYjODsCp9zi_ey6viOfpBt0LOjXrrZAVD1jdrkGYcUfN8XW3pGABiz-1_sPTn7nIELG1WktuGr5EOqdJmUWaF5N8Ut3I6-C-vV4-JjaL8Q61QM/s1600/meeting_scores.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqYn_Ph7EK9bOo_NB10FQATp1Ys3pEswYjODsCp9zi_ey6viOfpBt0LOjXrrZAVD1jdrkGYcUfN8XW3pGABiz-1_sPTn7nIELG1WktuGr5EOqdJmUWaF5N8Ut3I6-C-vV4-JjaL8Q61QM/s320/meeting_scores.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's a scenario that I'd like you to consider... see if there's any part of it that you recognise:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>There's a company (call it "A Ltd") that has decided that there are far too many meetings and that the meetings that do happen are prone to over running, they lack structure and often leave people feeling frustrated and deflated... and there's a training company (call it "H2 Training") that is invited by A Ltd to run some in-house "Effective Meetings" training, with an emphasis on chairing skills. (So far so good?)</em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>During the morning session, the trainer (let's call her "Tina Halperin") asks the group of learners to consider the various reasons for having a meeting, and whether considering the time and expense of having people attend a face-to-face event, there might on reflection be some better alternatives. It was generally agreed that calling people into a room just to present them with information that they could receive via email, a newsletter or view on an intranet in their own time, seemed not to be a great idea - particularly given how busy people are. In a similar way, it was agreed that calling a team meeting to delegate out work to individuals when there's no requirement for collaboration or discussion is also not a great use of time, as it leaves others sitting observing conversations that are irrelevant to them. (With me so far?)</em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>So, having decided that there are often more efficient ways to distribute information and to delegate tasks, leaving meetings for the creative, dynamic conversations that require collaboration and consensus, Tina asked the learners to think about how they could apply this principle in practice. (The idea being that it would reduce the number of meetings and shorten the meetings that do take place). That's where the problem came... "Oh no, we can't possibly send people information by email or post it on the intranet, because they don't read emails and they never look at the intranet!" and "Yes... but when we ask people to do something without having it witnessed by the whole team and put in writing in the minutes, they often don't bother doing it!"... so that's why A Ltd has continued to arrange countless meetings at great expense, leaving participants bored and frustrated, because people don't bother reading emails and don't do what they're asked unless threatened by the humiliation of having to be accountable at the next meeting? "Yes, that's right."</em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So... did you recognise anything in that scenario? I have a feeling you probably did, although I really hope that you will have been as surprised by it as me! It just seems completely nonsensical and convoluted to allow a culture to develop around the unprofessional behaviour of an unaccountable few. My questions are: Why aren't the managers within this (or any other organisation experiencing the same thing) willing, able or enabled to call people to account? And why don't people feel obliged to read internal emails in preparation for attending meetings with their colleagues, or obliged to take responsibility for completing tasks that they agree to? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My feelings are that it is a complex combination of increasing workloads, ineffective time/task management, information overload, lack of decisive performance management and lack of personal accountability. Put that lot together and it's a wonder that anything gets done! Thankfully lots of things do get done and there are hundreds of thousands of conscientious, efficient and effective people getting on and doing their best. I just hope that there are enough people out there to stop for a moment and question the logic behind certain habitual processes and methods, to make sure that they are done for the right reasons - not just as a work-around to compensate for the behaviour of the few unaccountable individuals who end up calling the shots.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Do let me know your thoughts on the matter!</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-44224367032422361992011-07-27T17:02:00.000+01:002012-05-18T12:27:02.732+01:00Is "Presenteeism" a modern-day pandemic?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiePQCFWM6GxA_g0IAZUHe3YF45rpaaCIvItYJz1RpbX8tZtHMfK-142dMjolK5ZnijD4M5Cfdtf892gAB-FCQrCbRPY6uGGpODmlJSmjYmiLjW-toH6SHyTq95w-Qt_iIHwN68JTnpitQ/s1600/telephone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiePQCFWM6GxA_g0IAZUHe3YF45rpaaCIvItYJz1RpbX8tZtHMfK-142dMjolK5ZnijD4M5Cfdtf892gAB-FCQrCbRPY6uGGpODmlJSmjYmiLjW-toH6SHyTq95w-Qt_iIHwN68JTnpitQ/s320/telephone.jpg" width="201" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have all heard of the term "Absenteeism" (used to describe the problems associated with employees being unnecessarily absent from work) but there's a new term on the block called: "<em>Presenteeism</em>". It may be a catchy term, but it’s more than just a gimmick. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Presenteeism is a complex issue. The most common use of the term is to highlight the problems caused by the growing number of people who feel compelled to turn up when they are actually too ill to work. It seems that the requirement for an unblemished sickness record has become more critical than the need for people to be fit for the job. Indeed, survey data from 39,000 UK workers presented by business psychology company Robertson Cooper, showed that a quarter of the people sampled struggle into work, despite feeling ill. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are always going to be people who chance their luck and who 'play the system' at work. They'll know exactly how many days they can get away with taking off, and which ‘illnesses’ are relatively difficult to confirm (such as back pain and migraine). However, it is troubling if the minority have gradually been allowed to tarnish the rest of the workplace to the extent that those who are genuinely unfit for work are actually afraid they will lose their jobs if they ‘go off-sick'. So there's our modern-day dilemma: If you're genuinely not feeling well (through illness or stress) then you're both criticised for "taking a sickie" and criticised for dragging yourself into work. You just can't win!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Professor Ivan Robertson, managing director at Robertson Cooper, has said: "Presenteeism in the workplace has a number of causes, one of which is related to feelings of job insecurity. Recently, this is likely to have been inflamed as a result of the recession." The problem of presenteeism, it seems to me, is partly to do with job insecurity (as suggested by Prof. Robertson), but also to do with a fundamental lack of trust, honesty, accountability, and motivation in the workplace...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Where there's a general lack of trust between management and 'the workers', even the honest, hardworking employees find the decision to take a day off work extremely difficult. Any health or stress management expert will agree that being brave and keeping going until the weekend or until our next holiday is more often than not, a poor health choice. When we work through an illness we're not only jeopardising our own recovery and long-term health, but we're also potentially spreading germs to our colleagues and we are at higher risk of making costly mistakes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So what about the issues of 'accountability' and 'motivation'? To me, there's another more worrying form of presenteeism which is about those people who feel entitled to their pay packet, no matter how much effort they put in, or what results they achieve. It's simply about turning up to work and doing the bare minimum or not being caught falling short of the mark. I have concluded, both as a trainer/coach who hears hundreds of stories from managers and from front-line staff, as well as a discerning consumer, that this is an issue that's on the increase. How many times have you had an interaction with a service company, a shop or a business, and have been left feeling that the employee doesn't care at all about how you feel, what your experience has been, or whether or not you will remain a customer? And how many times have you been shocked by people in service roles, who see nothing wrong in chatting to each other whilst serving you, or in covering their own backs rather than offering you a little empathy? I don't think it's just me noticing it more as I get older! It really feels that increasing numbers of people simply don't care less anymore.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My answer to this is that we need to help people in these roles to care more. We need to stop rewarding people with a guaranteed salary just as long as they turn up. We need more constructive, proactive management that spells out the expectations and that shares the responsibility for creating and maintaining their team's motivation to a good job. Ultimately, we need managers to enable individuals to feel truly accountable for their own performance.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Can you imagine the uproar if everyone overnight only got paid what they were worth? Now there's a thought! Some people would probably end up having to reimburse their employers... This may be a crazy daydream by one disgruntled consumer, but as Professor Ivan Robertson suggests: "To prevent presenteeism, managers should reward people for the work they deliver, not the hours they put in. Investing in the health and wellbeing of workers pays dividends in terms of improved employee engagement and productivity. And it delivers considerable savings over and above those caused by driving down absenteeism." I couldn’t agree more, Professor Robertson!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, have you got any examples of how presenteeism in any of its forms has affected you or your business? Or perhaps you recognise some of your own behaviour leaning towards presenteeism. I’d love to hear your stories. Why does presenteeism exist, and is it getting worse? And if you have any sensible suggestions about how to tackle it, do let me know!</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-67396268861737377202011-07-08T12:34:00.001+01:002012-05-18T12:27:20.237+01:00Are you too polite to complain?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2QgOdm_luGtLQHDrWZLR-r_BIpQS5RLi-gAvQFmOz1qleM0f6cScSPf61PruThQHQ3ePceagHqypAQLuoTfOjfPimOVlOfqfSyGkb2J1_nECcva4eXr-_fF5S7X47ajJixflfw7GHmTY/s1600/complaint.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; height: 125px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; width: 206px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2QgOdm_luGtLQHDrWZLR-r_BIpQS5RLi-gAvQFmOz1qleM0f6cScSPf61PruThQHQ3ePceagHqypAQLuoTfOjfPimOVlOfqfSyGkb2J1_nECcva4eXr-_fF5S7X47ajJixflfw7GHmTY/s200/complaint.jpg" width="200" /></span></a><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's post-exam season here in the UK, so the teenagers are footloose and fancy free, without a care in the world, having a well-eared rest before they get their results... </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Good for them I say, but for us commuters, there's a menace on the train lines: 'gangs (gaggles?) of yoofs' piling into the train carriages, weighed down with rucksacks, sleeping bags and 6-packs of larger - on their way to or from one or other of the plethora of music festivals... That's all well and good, but for those of us going about our daily commute, minding our own business (literally), the imposition of loud, not particularly entertaining banter, laughter and squeals is somewhat distracting and downright irritating. Unfortunately the UK trains are just not big enough to accommodate the influx of additional (unwashed) bodies. So what do you do (or have you done) about it? Nothing? Sit quietly fuming, counting the minutes down until your stop? </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday I witnessed myself go through the initial dismay of "oh no, this ‘lovely-half-empty-post-rush-hour-train-that-I-chose- to-travel-into-London-on’ has been over-run with noisy teenagers"… to 10 minutes later, the utter irritation of: "How on earth can 6 people be so unaware of their surroundings, so disrespectful of other passengers right/desire for peace?"... And then I did something somewhat uncharacteristic - I actually decided to say something! "What?" I hear you say... "You mean you actually asked them to pipe down and they didn't stab you?!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The reality is I made a quick assessment of the situation, decided that they were just ordinary, slightly hung-over young people on a day-trip together. They didn't look like a gang, or sound like a gang (not according to the stereotype in my mind, anyway). So I simply turned to one of the girls sitting next to me and calmly said (with a conscious disarming smile and non-confrontational body language): "I really don't want to be a party pooper, but would you mind keeping your voices down a little?" All 6 of them looked at me, somewhat shocked. I'm guessing because nobody has ever said anything like that before. After a couple of sarcastic comments in stage whispers to each other about having to communicate in sign language, or by passing notes, they continued their (somewhat banal) conversation at a much reduced, more tolerable volume and within 30 minutes they were all asleep! I caught the eyes of a few other passengers nearby, and they beamed at me. It felt like a 'take a bow' moment, but it was hardly an act of heroism. I simply overcame my British politeness, and put my respectful assertive communication skills into practice.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As I sat there, feeling quite pleased with myself (and sharing the fact on my Facebook status) a middle aged gentleman got onto the train and sat down next to me. He then proceeded to open a plastic bag and take out a strong smelling sandwich. Goodness knows what was in it, sardines and onions? Now this was really a tricky one. I know what it's like when you're that hungry, you've just got to eat. And sometimes you can't avoid eating on a train. But my goodness, please spare a thought for the people you inflict with ‘passive eating’! Did I say anything to him? No I didn't, I just slouched down in my seat and tried to breathe through my mouth and not my nose. It had already occurred to me that I might be a bossy control freak. One of my FB friends commented on my status update, likening me to "Victor(ia) Meldrew". I really didn't feel like proving the point by asking the man to take his sandwich elsewhere.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Perhaps you'd think that as a trainer of communication skills, particularly 'assertive communication' and 'influencing skills', I would have been in there, all guns blazing (not literally, I hope.) But actually, when you're sitting in a train, there's a strange unspoken protocol that we just shouldn't interfere with what other people are doing - even if it is antisocial. With my trainer hat on, I would say it's important for human beings to communicate and negotiate with each other to reach mutually acceptable outcomes... if we don't, then resentment really can and does build up and then the fall-out can be catastrophic. However, as an off-duty trainer I recognise that I am still often 'too polite' to say anything. And that's a good thing - I don't want to become a moaning 'grumpy old woman', interfering in other people's fun. But I do fantasize about a time when we human beings can naturally be a bit more respectful of each other, and to be able to politely remind those of their impact on us without fearing violence.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'd love to hear from anyone who has tried with or without success to influence the behaviour of others - on a train, on the tube, in the cinema or in an open plan office...</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-554395274127829732011-06-22T12:15:00.005+01:002011-06-22T12:40:10.762+01:00How do you give feedback without causing offence?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitH6hohR8sgX9T4ZdghyphenhyphencMK2TYu5nR9SwF9j5EwRdessUo1UE1_OL2lfpI0gxhEbIGm9C3RwbRik5FYGq1TgrXQLbm0O40vFXBal51zYNlv8d_AY_8eNRB3MiGEo9awrPeYyzVON789u0/s1600/360-degree-feedback.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitH6hohR8sgX9T4ZdghyphenhyphencMK2TYu5nR9SwF9j5EwRdessUo1UE1_OL2lfpI0gxhEbIGm9C3RwbRik5FYGq1TgrXQLbm0O40vFXBal51zYNlv8d_AY_8eNRB3MiGEo9awrPeYyzVON789u0/s320/360-degree-feedback.jpg" width="196" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When you think about it, "feedback" is a strange term isn't it? However, as a trainer and a coach I prefer to put all thoughts of reciprocal feeding aside and to focus on the extremely valuable tool that it can be...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The trouble with feedback is that unless it is used responsibly, sensitively and ethically, it can also be quite destructive - to the person on the receiving end and also to the on-going relationship. That's probably why so many people decide to opt out of giving feedback unless they're absolutely cornered to do so... and even then, they'll try to think up something bland and non-committal to say for fear of offending. At the other end of the spectrum, there are those people who just can't help themselves... putting others down, sharing their pearls of wisdom with: "Oh, you don't want to do it like that", or "If I were you...". Well you'll never be me, so what's your point actually?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All that aside, feedback that is well thought through and timely can be extremely valuable as a proactive method of sharing your experience, views, needs and preferences. Managers and Team Leaders who learn how to give feedback to their reports in a supportive and constructive manner are able to motivate and inspire performance improvement and achievement of challenging objectives. Failure to give feedback on performance issues not only does not tackle those things that can be the difference between success and failure of a task, but it can also lead to the continuing deterioration of performance. There's nothing quite so insulting to an employee to criticise or chastise them after months or years have gone by when you've never told them clearly what they were doing wrong. "But why didn't you tell me?" is a common cry of despair...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And feedback isn't only a management tool. It's a skill that everyone can benefit from improving and regularly using. Think of it as the ability to share your experience with people with whom you work. Is there a colleague who regularly inconveniences you? Is there someone whose support you appreciate, but you wish it were given in a slightly different way? Maybe there's one person who you really rely on and don't want them to stop what they're doing... Feedback enables you to communicate with them - to translate your thoughts into words and to positively influence how the people around you think and behave.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then there's the person on the receiving end of the feedback. Let's spare a thought for them as after all, feedback is actually a two-way process - not just a broadcasting tool for manipulating others. (Well it shouldn't be!) Anyone who is conscientious about their job role, who strives towards excellence and who seeks continuous improvements will be delighted to receive feedback - indeed, they will make it their business to seek it out! The only proviso is that the feedback they are looking for must be honest, transparent and constructive. They're not looking to be manipulated with fake praise, or damned with feint praise. They would simply like to know a bit more about the impact of their actions and their approach - so they can make adjustments where necessary.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's clear that although feedback can be extremely valuable, there's a variety of reasons that people often find it difficult to give. Here are a few guidelines that may help you to ensure that the feedback you give is constructive and supportive:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Always ensure that the purpose of your feedback is to be genuinely helpful to the other person, as well as to yourself. It should never be used as a punishment.</span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Before launching in with your observations, it is respectful to ask them if they have any areas of particular concern that they'd like your feedback on.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head. Take some time to think about your comments to ensure that they're fair and balanced.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Most people feel very vulnerable while receiving feedback and so will be very sensitive to your comments. Be aware of this when deciding what to say. It’s a good idea to think about how you would feel if the same comments were made about you.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Speak directly to the person. If you're in a meeting, or with others, don’t talk about them to the group.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Remember that your feedback is your view, so say ‘I...’ rather than ‘We...’ or ‘The team...’.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Think about your non-verbal communication. Make eye contact and ensure that both your posture and your expression are non-threatening, relaxed and informal.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Be honest but non-judgmental. For example, ‘I noticed that you interrupted the other person five times,’ rather than, ‘You were so full of your own opinions that you wouldn’t let the other person get a word in edgeways’.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Talk about the specific behaviour rather than your personal opinion of them. For example: ‘No dates were set for the next meeting,’ rather than ‘You’re not very organised are you?’.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Make sure that you comment on the good points as well as the development areas. It’s important that people are made aware of their strengths too.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Avoid using a formulaic approach (such as the unfortunately named "s**t sandwich") It will only look false and manipulative.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Don’t overload the person with a list of issues. Being given two or three areas to consider may be valuable; 15 is demoralizing and pointless.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Don't avoid giving 'negative' feedback. It’s unfair to refuse help because you feel awkward about it.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Remember that only poorly given feedback is negative.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Make your remarks specific. For example, ‘You had a friendly approach’ is of little value. A better example would be, ‘You made good eye contact, had a friendly smile, and your posture was open and relaxed. All these things made me feel that you were looking forward to the interview’.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• Remember that feedback is something the other person has the right to consider. They should be free to consider it in context with other feedback they’ve received as well as with their own observations and views. They may or may not accept any or all of what you say.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• If you're in a position of authority, make sure you distinguish between your 'feedback' and your managerial 'instructions'. This way, the other person will be clear about what they need to act on, and what they are free to consider.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you have any further ideas, thoughts or experiences about feedback-giving, do let me know!</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-23371456696592755772011-06-10T10:37:00.001+01:002011-06-10T10:40:02.620+01:00How do you deal with difficult meeting or training participants?<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii4-mnXrwcWsGEZjMX5AV8jSnNt0ZY8wkYKiqKQ8SsXWGL_5DJu5B5wl7hyphenhyphenVHNCY86ChkvDSXUBlW_IDOzIyyDS_zwDf-jag94fU2ByTDkDTpYatabrsPr0APMnaPshprZ6Xf-2feuvcI/s1600/stress2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii4-mnXrwcWsGEZjMX5AV8jSnNt0ZY8wkYKiqKQ8SsXWGL_5DJu5B5wl7hyphenhyphenVHNCY86ChkvDSXUBlW_IDOzIyyDS_zwDf-jag94fU2ByTDkDTpYatabrsPr0APMnaPshprZ6Xf-2feuvcI/s320/stress2.jpg" t8="true" width="320" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is a wide range of behaviours that even the most experienced meeting chairs, facilitators and trainers find difficult to deal with. Using an assertive communication style together with some specific techniques will help you to deal with most difficult people effectively – and the better you become, the fewer opportunities for disruption present themselves. Here are some useful guidelines for dealing with difficult people/behaviour during your meetings/training sessions:</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Agree groundrules:</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you can, invest a few minutes at the start of every session to agree and/or reiterate some groundrules that everyone is happy to abide by. That way, you get the added benefit of peer pressure and personal accountability which will help to curb some of the most common types of difficult behaviour - such as people talking over each other, interrupting or talking amongst themselves. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Improve the environment:</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It may be that part of the problem is with the venue - if it is too hot or too cold, people will become distracted and fidgety, and will lose concentration. If there are strong opinions and emotions are running high, this will only be exacerbated by a room that's too hot. The best temperature to aim for is just on the cool side of comfortable which will keep the majority of people alert. Equally, getting the seating right will encouraging effective communication. If there are individuals who are dominating, or who are getting into one-on-one disagreements, try asking people to swop seats and/or to work in different small groups, as this will change the dynamics.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Agree a purpose:</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Every meeting or training session requires an objective. Explain at the beginning why a meeting or a training session is the best way of achieving the outcome, and give an idea of how you will work with the group to achieve it. Aim to get group consensus on priorities for the session, or seek their commitment to pre-defined objectives. This will help you to identify and agree a common focus and direction, which you can refer back to if anyone goes off-topic, or loses sight of the overall purpose.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Use an agenda:</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This can serve as an effective means of keeping the meeting/session on course, and encouraging people to work within a time-frame and stick to the point. Circulating the agenda beforehand will help people to prepare and to think through their contributions or questions. Plan the structure of the meeting or training session by prioritising topics/agenda points so the most important/urgent are dealt with when people are most alert and motivated.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Never humiliate a difficult participant:</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Try to think of every participant as a ‘customer’, who deserves to be treated with respect. Also remember that the other people in the meeting/training session are likely to feel some sympathy for them, so you may find yourself alienated by the group if you behave in any way other than entirely respectful.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Don’t get into an argument:</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Although having a one-on-one tussle with an individual may entertain the others in the room, you run the risk of embarrassing them too. If you lose the argument or become too adversarial, you could also lose your credibility. Should the argument go on, the other participants are likely to become bored and irritated. Try to remain positive – don’t get pulled into a negative defence spiral. Instead focus on finding out more about their views by asking probing questions. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Don’t ignore them:</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The problem won’t usually go away on its own. Most difficult behaviour is exhibited as a result of an individual wanting to be heard or acknowledged. They are likely to ramp up the volume on their difficult behaviour unless and until it is/they are dealt with.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Try to understand them:</strong> I</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">f you can identify why they are being disruptive or difficult, you are more likely to be able to respond accordingly: If they want to be involved, give them a role such as making notes; if they feel they're not being listened to, use active listening techniques to give them a fair hearing; if they’re clashing with you, ask the other participants to comment on some of the specific points they're making - that way you'll open up the discussion to everyone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Never lose your cool:</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you feel that you are going to lose your temper or to show your frustration, try counting to ten and/or taking a break as soon as it is appropriate - so you can re-gather your thoughts and work out an effective strategy for dealing with them calmly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Talk to them alone:</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Try finding an opportune moment, say at lunchtime or during a coffee break. Ask them politely whether there's anything specific that is troubling them that you can help with. Even the most obnoxious person will usually talk reasonably given the opportunity for a private chat. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>They may not mean to be difficult:</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Remember that people express themselves and their feelings differently, and learn and process information at different rates – sometimes it is easy to think that someone is being deliberately obtuse or pedantic just to be difficult, when in fact they are just in their natural style! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>People have a right to their opinions:</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you ask for feedback or for views and an individual seems to be hyper-critical or negative, accept their right to do so. If you can, turn it into a conversation rather than an argument. "What specifically do you disagree with?" "I’m interested to know why you think that" "What needs to happen/change for you to agree?" </span><br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And if all else fails… </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Consider encouraging them to leave</strong> – If you believe that the person is going to undermine the outcome of the meeting/session, or to reduce other participants' opportunities to contribute or to learn, then this is always an option - it is unlikely that they are achieving anything positive by being there and continuing with their disruptive behaviour.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Have you ever been asked to leave a meeting, or have you invited someone to leave a training session? How do you deal with difficult or challenging behaviour from a meeting or training participant? We'd love to hear your experiences...</span></div>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-11102476243297606432011-06-08T18:58:00.001+01:002012-05-18T12:28:21.197+01:00Is it time to kill-off the "Killer Question"?<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d;">When delivering training in sales, negotiation and influence, I’m often asked about the use of so-called “killer questions”. I first came across the term about 15 years ago and to be honest, I was a little puzzled by it. I’d heard of the “killer instinct” which I guess is a second-cousin of the “killer question”, but I never did get my head around why anyone would want to “kill” anything? Maybe I’m just not the aggressive type, but the bottom line is that it just doesn’t make sense to me to kill off anyone or anything that may come in useful at a later date!</span> <span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d;"></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Giving the “killer question” concept a second chance, I decided to look into it a bit further. Maybe it was just an unfortunate name for concept that’s actually quite useful? What I discovered quite quickly was that the “killer question” approach proposes a series of ‘off-the-peg’ questions that are so dynamic and powerful that you can pull them out and nail a deal in a flash… It sounded too good to be true, but still somewhat appealing to think that there could be a magic question that can get you the result you’re after.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Being a bit of a skeptic, and being trained not to take anything at face value, I began to consider the killer question premise in a little more detail… Firstly, if there really is an ultimate question that can be asked, how can the same question have the same brilliant effect in every situation? Surely an effective sales person, negotiator or influencer needs to be able to tailor their communication style and approach, and not just drag out a one-size-fits-all question? Asking killer questions also seemed to me to be extremely patronizing and disrespectful, as it assumes that the recipient/customer is too dim to realize that they’re being manipulated. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The reality is that the workplace is definitely becoming more pressurized. People are being asked to achieve more in less time. So the idea that we can push our way forward towards our own goals, ignoring the sensibilities, intelligence, needs and values of those around us is in a small way understandable. For anyone looking for quick and easy gimmicks, there are of course many sources of advice on the internet about how to use clever openers, killer questions, value propositions, and the latest genius closing techniques. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So how do you know if you or your colleagues are guilty of asking “killer questions”? Here are three of the most lethal/irritating that I’ve come across:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>1. "What do you know about us/me/this project/proposal…?"</strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If the person you’re trying to influence/sell to/negotiate with is on the ball, they will immediately ask you if this is a test. Nobody likes to be put on the spot, so why would anyone want to risk potentially humiliating and alienating the person they wish to influence, right from the start? Perhaps it’s because they simply want to know what the person thinks of them, their idea or proposal before presenting their side. However, it would be good to remember that whether the person knows a lot, a little, or nothing at all about what you have to offer, nobody knows it as well as you – so it’s your job to tell them and not the other way around.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>2. "What will it take to get you to agree/your business…?" </strong></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is probably one of the most unimpressive “killer” questions, as it implies that you are so desperate for a sale or for agreement that you may be willing to do anything in order to close the deal! If you aren’t willing to do anything, then why ask that question? Instead, it would be far more constructive to use a more consultative process of discussion in order to uncover what the person actually needs/wants in a less confrontational/direct way.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>3. "Can I call you next week/in two weeks/a month?"</strong></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is another “killer” question that puts the other person on the spot. Firstly, what is so special about following up in 7, 14 or 30 days? It may be a good time-scale for you, but don’t assume that it is just as good for them, or that they even want you to follow-up on your conversation. Secondly, they may not want you to call them at all... So instead of dictating the follow up time-frame, you could ask if it would be helpful to get back in touch, and when would be the best time for them. At least that way you know you won’t be wasting your time or their time, or becoming an irritant to someone who just doesn’t feel able to say “no”. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyone who is a keen observer of human behaviour, and anyone who is an experienced business-person will tell you for nothing that investing in long-term relationships is so much more precious than the short-term gains of the smoke-and-mirror, and ‘bullish’ approaches. Surely effective sales, negotiation and influence involves engaging the other person in a meaningful dialogue about their wants, needs, and problems - and how your solutions/proposals might be of value to them. In a collaborative process, the other person is free to make their own considered decisions, and they will also take responsibility for the outcome of those decisions.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So you are convinced that killer questions aren’t actually as wonderful as they’re meant to be. But what should you replace them with? Here are some alternative question formats that you might find useful in the process of uncovering needs:</span><br />
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<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What are the different ways that you...?</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Can you recall a situation where...? </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What would you do differently if...? </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What's been your experience with...? </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whose opinion matters most about...?</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What prevents you from...? </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What three things stand in your way...?</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What are the benefits you'd like to see as a result of...? </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How are you avoiding...? </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What trends are affecting the way you...?</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What do you think is the best way to achieve...?</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What are you missing out on by...? </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How would you like… to describe...?</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What would need to happen for you to feel...?</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What would your three best customers say about...? </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What are the most common questions that your customers ask when...?</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the past six months, how have you...? </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What advice would you give to...? </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What are you currently doing to reduce...? </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What do you think makes the difference between...? </span></li>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So next time a well-meaning but ill-informed colleague asks you to can share your “killer questions” with them, you know what to do: suggest that using a consultative approach might be more productive, and tell them that a killer question may well kill the deal, but it’s also likely to murder the on-going relationship!</span></div>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-69799841355566199992011-05-25T12:46:00.000+01:002011-05-25T13:09:09.713+01:00Four ‘Secret’ Confidence Boosters<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9Yt1eEwP2SzbcHhJW4G_vbZRczU92aZfFdCfJtftwaD36jPxN_eXgnLtYcVGdDwEXBmqlk9BBTcYn7UapCsDEaFWNeEOOgoR6JdexAhrAxb1B4jdcGHJAkAgAqalclMw2KLsxVnGQBl4/s1600/Beyonce-vs-Sasha-Fierce.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 256px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 231px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5610622038836681170" border="0" alt="Beyonce Knowles and her alter ego Sasha Fierce" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9Yt1eEwP2SzbcHhJW4G_vbZRczU92aZfFdCfJtftwaD36jPxN_eXgnLtYcVGdDwEXBmqlk9BBTcYn7UapCsDEaFWNeEOOgoR6JdexAhrAxb1B4jdcGHJAkAgAqalclMw2KLsxVnGQBl4/s320/Beyonce-vs-Sasha-Fierce.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family:verdana;color:#000000;">Most people in the public eye (sports stars, politicians, celebrities and even members of the royal family) will appear to have an inordinate amount of self-confidence. But as the ‘fly-on-the wall’ TV programmes have shown us in the past few years, many of them are just as insecure and fearful as us ordinary folk when their guards are down… So what is it that helps these high-profile people to keep looking shiny and confident when it matters? Apart from expensive clothes, make-up and accessories, they have all mastered a way of keeping their self-doubt in check…<br /></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;color:#000000;">Here are four ‘techniques’ that are frequently used by people who need to master the art of self-confidence:<br /><br /></span><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><strong>1. Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)<br /></strong><br />Sometimes called "The Science of Excellence," NLP uses the patterns of success in the lives of many high-performing people to create a series of systems and practices that replace ‘limiting beliefs’ and consequential unwanted behaviours with self- confidence and the fulfilment of your natural talents. Apparently Heston Blumenthal uses NLP’s metaphor techniques to give him the ability to step away from distractions and go into an imaginary “Sweet Shop” where he can be free to be as creative as he wishes with new recipes… ‘Anchoring’ is another NLP technique that enables you to associate positive thought processes with a mental or physical link so you can conjure them up whenever needed. This might be simply tapping your fingers, holding your arms in a certain way or having a handkerchief infused with a particular essential oil or perfume - any physical link you can easily and accurately repeat to help get you into the desired ‘zone’.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><strong>2. Imitation<br /></strong><br />If you don’t have the time or inclination to practice the NLP confidence building technique, then you might try imitation. Derren Brown has shared the fact that he says to himself: “What would Andy do?” when he goes to a big party. (He’s referring to Andy Nyman, his writing partner who’s much more confident socially than Derren.)<br /></span> <br /><div><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">To imitate a really confident person, you need to observe them doing whatever it is they do. Watch how they interact with others, listen to the words they use, look at their body language, and listen to how their voice sounds. Here are some tips: </span></div><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><br />• First impressions really do count - so adopt a strong, open and relaxed posture<br />• Breathe deeply and slowly – this will increase the amount of oxygen in your bloodstream, and will help to control your muscles to relax<br />• Smile – it’s a great way of showing that you’re relaxed, but don’t over-do it<br />• Make appropriate eye contact – again a sign of confidence if you can look a person in the eye. Remember to look away from time to time, otherwise you’ll just look scary!<br />• Speak clearly and with sufficient volume - remember what you're saying is worth hearing<br />• Don't take yourself too seriously, innocent humour can be a great rapport builder and can help to prevent conflict<br />• Let yourself be open to judgement from others – don’t worry what they’re thinking, just focus on what you’re trying to achieve<br /></span></span><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><strong></strong></span></span><br /><div><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><strong>3. Visualisation and positive self-talk<br /></strong><br />This is a technique that Tiger Woods was taught to use from the age of 10. He mastered the art of visualising every shot – playing through the desired outcome, imagining everything in minute detail from the strength of his swing, to the resulting trajectory of the golf ball and exactly where he wanted it to land. The same is true of the downhill skiers who often rock back and forth with their eyes closed before they begin. They’re also mentally rehearsing what they’ll do all the way down the course, including how they’ll deal with any difficulties.<br /><br />Studies in mental imagery have shown that you can actually train your mind to be confident. This is because the brain doesn’t distinguish between real and imaginary images. The same chemicals are released and the same electrical activity displays in the brain whether we are visualising something, or whether we are actually doing it. A repeated thought process can therefore become a deeply felt belief over time. So if you think about a particular outcome in a positive way often enough, you will begin to genuinely feel good about it, thus increasing your chance of success.<br />You might already tell yourself before taking on an onerous task: “I can do it” or maybe you listen to listen to loud or inspirational music to ‘hype yourself up’. This is about using visualisation and positive self-talk to raise your energy levels, improve your motivation and encourage the part of your personality that has confidence to come to the forefront.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="color:#000066;"><strong>4. Create an alter ego</strong><br /><br />This is a made-up persona who has all the characteristics that you’d like your confident, successful self to have. Your alter ego has no flaws. You may be afraid, but your persona can be fearless. The best way to use an alter ego is to give it a name. Beyonce Knowles the American recording artist, calls her alter ego “Sasha Fierce” who is a tough outspoken risk taker. Beyonce has openly admitted that she is naturally shy when she is offstage and that she created Sasha to give herself confidence when on stage and to showcase her “other” self.<br />English singer-songwriter Adele recently told Rolling Stone magazine, how she created her own alter ego “Sasha Carter” by combining Beyonce's Sasha Fierce with the name of Johnny Cash's wife, singer/actress June Carter: "I was about to meet Beyonce. I had a full-blown panic attack. Then she popped in looking gorgeous and said, 'You're amazing! When I listen to you I feel like I'm listening to God.' I went out on the balcony crying hysterically, and I said, 'What would Sasha Fierce do?'"<br /><br />South African cricketer Andre Nel also has an alter ego called “Gunther” who has a reputation for snarling and sometimes foul-mouthed aggression. Andre explains that he decided his split personality merited two names after a conversation with one of South Africa's technical analysts. "One of our computer guys said I was a bit like those little guys in Germany who live half way up a mountain and have a lack of oxygen to the brain that makes them crazy. Sometimes that happens to me, it seems. Gunther seemed a good name for him. I talk to him on the way to my mark. Andre has to keep Gunther in line sometimes but the aggression is part of my armoury.”<br /><br />We don’t all necessarily need alter egos to be wild and outspoken like Sasha Fierce, or aggressive like Gunther, but having a different aspect of our personality that we can bring out from time to time can help us out in lots of different situations. Obviously only alter egos that are used in a positive way are healthy – they shouldn’t be an excuse for outrageous or damaging behaviour!<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;">So there you have it, there’s no real secret to self-confidence… the people we watch in the public eye aren’t that different from most of us when it comes to confidence. They’ve just found a technique that works for them that enables them to go out onto whatever stage it is (whether it’s on TV, in the House of Commons, at Glastonbury or at Old Trafford) and to perform to the best of their ability without being held back by nerves or limiting self-beliefs. Those same techniques are freely available for anyone to try, and can enhance your own performance, whether you’re delivering a presentation, going for a job interview or preparing for a difficult meeting.<br /></span></span></span></div><br /><div><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="color:#000000;">Do let me know if you’ve tried any of the techniques, and how they worked for you…</span></span></div></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="color:#000066;"></span></span></span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-14844894565201786452011-05-23T14:55:00.001+01:002011-05-23T16:10:01.567+01:00Self-confidence... do you have what it takes?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRwMLl5oUIHpCukmIFv-8uahql2fFyjD3ttm72KrE2Fx4KOL3m62DXit5-aqnGGARvzuZ6cb9Sr4TZVFInsoWfwRYvLamzA82HUrWIZJDZnCjEIsNL4H9V4lYjoDgy-GhhoQRixoqBGzA/s1600/scared_lady.jpg"><span style="color:#000066;"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 157px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 216px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5609924492881467874" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRwMLl5oUIHpCukmIFv-8uahql2fFyjD3ttm72KrE2Fx4KOL3m62DXit5-aqnGGARvzuZ6cb9Sr4TZVFInsoWfwRYvLamzA82HUrWIZJDZnCjEIsNL4H9V4lYjoDgy-GhhoQRixoqBGzA/s320/scared_lady.jpg" /></span></a><span style="color:#000066;"> <span style="font-family:verdana;">It's all very well learning a trade, or enhancing one's knowledge, or adding skills to your CV... but it's arguable that <em>self-confidence</em> is the most important personal and professional asset that you can ever invest in.</span><br /></span><br /><br /><div><span style="font-family:Verdana;color:#000066;">Think about it - who is it that gets to take on the most interesting/challenging tasks and projects at work? Who is it who is taken notice of by people at all levels within their field? Who is it who is considered most favourably for promotions? Chances are, your answers will have one thing in common, and that's people with <em>self-confidence</em>. Whether we admire this trait or not (after all, who doesn't recoil when watching the arrogant young upstarts 'big themselves up' on "The Apprentice"?) - it is true to say that success in the workplace is becoming more and more about confident, live communication. Gone are the days when we could spend an hour carefully crafting a written response to a colleague or a customer. We are expected and required to choose the right words and deliver them in the right order to deliver maximum effect - there and then... In short, these days, it's self-confidence that helps you to get results and helps you to get noticed.<br /><br />The trouble with self-confidence is that whilst it is a skill like any other that can be learnt, while you're still wearing the confidence 'L plates', you usually stick out like a sore thumb. I used to imagine I had a huge hologram floating above my head, with a flashing neon arrow pointing down at me, saying "she doesn't know what she's talking about!" Probably just imagining it created all manner of non-verbal clues for my highly observant colleagues and customers to spot. What I didn't realise until much later in my career was that I actually had the off switch to that sign all along. It wasn't about having to know everything about everything, or about being able to answer every single question with an A grade exam answer... no, it was simply about having faith in my own ability to share my knowledge, my opinions and my ideas (for what they were worth), and to contribute something valuable to the process of communication: I learnt to listen, to process and to facilitate discussions and problems in a way that harnessed everyone's views and experiences. As soon as I took the self-imposed spotlight off myself, and focused on helping to create dynamic interactions, the pressure lifted and the conversation began to flow<br /><br />I'm often asked by my coaching clients: "supposing you lack confidence but you are worried about being perceived as a show-off or as arrogant... what then?" In short I usually say that the people who you know, or who you've come across who provide you with anti-role models are extremely useful. The fact that you don't want to become like them is a good start. If you take time to observe them in full flow, you will begin to identify what it is that makes them unpleasant or difficult to deal with. It may be something subtle like the way they look smug when they've got the better of someone, or it may be a more tangible thing, such as interrupting others or finishing their sentences for them. Work out exactly what it is they do or don't do and make a pact with yourself not to emulate it.<br /><br />Okay, so you're avoiding arrogance, but what do you replace it with? I'd suggest that in the same way, you look out for good examples of people who have a balance of self-confidence with humility. People who are comfortable in their own skins and who don't need to tread on other people's esteem to make themselves feel better or be heard. If you've never looked out for these sorts of people, or observed their behaviour, you're in for a treat! It's extremely heartening to watch someone calmly deal with challenging situations and people in a way which doesn't throw them, which moves things forward and which maintains goodwill on both sides. I'm always looking out for it - when I'm working in the various companies I visit to deliver training, when I'm watching TV, when I'm travelling or when I'm communicating with the various utilites on the telephone. And when I do find it, I usually try to make some sort of appreciative comment (without sounding patronising of course) as I think too few people realise just how important that sort of self-confidence really is<br /><br />I'm sure most people would agree that the world is changing at a fast pace, and whether we like it or not, there's a greater focus on our personal brand. If we lack self-confidence, we have a weak brand that few people are interested in. If it's a pushy brand that we've created, then only certain people will be impressed. However, a confident, honest and likeable brand is one that the majority of people will come back to time and time again...<br /><br />If you have any tips to share about how you have developed your self-confidence, I'd love to hear them!</span></div>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-24037555134060248552011-03-03T00:40:00.000+00:002012-05-18T12:28:53.827+01:00Is your team Emotionally Intelligent?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHXB29aUnOXD3Xlg0ehA-TSu8X4WK1eMmyoShzQ8hEl0Nxk790NJdCeJGt9EcDwaSXihtDWB-KjJxCV7Dk4-eZiwDwZj2kIoGNqnTtwjtNcvkRsdG0QBj1gleqcx5hBxbClE6r6Sos1sQ/s1600/trio.jpg"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5579519693552985474" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHXB29aUnOXD3Xlg0ehA-TSu8X4WK1eMmyoShzQ8hEl0Nxk790NJdCeJGt9EcDwaSXihtDWB-KjJxCV7Dk4-eZiwDwZj2kIoGNqnTtwjtNcvkRsdG0QBj1gleqcx5hBxbClE6r6Sos1sQ/s320/trio.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: right; height: 170px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 136px;" /></span></a><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some might argue that having team leaders with well developed Emotional Intelligence will automatically produce teams which function within an emotionally intelligent culture... Clearly the reverse is likely to be true: a team with a leader who is lacking in key EI competencies is likely to experience disharmony, lack of mutual trust, and difficulty in expressing true feelings and ideas for fear of being knocked back. However, does it go without saying that team leaders and managers who understand the critical nature of EI in the workplace, and who prioritise their own personal development in this area, automatically create an emotionally intelligent working environment? I'm not convinced that they do. And anyway, what exactly IS an emotionally intelligent working environment?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here are my ideas on the sort of things you'll be able to spot in an 'Emotionally Intelligent Team':</span></div>
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<span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>1. There is genuine respect:</strong> Not everyone needs to be the best of friends, but there needs to be a genuine mutual respect between team members. How can you spot that this is the case? It's often seen in the way that team members challenge each others' approach or ideas during discussions and disagreements. Genuine respect is demonstrated when all parties make efforts not to undermine each others' self-esteem by using personal attacks - even as a method of self-defence. Seeking win-win solutions and encouraging input and ideas from everyone whenever appropriate/possible demonstrates true respect.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>2. There is trust:</strong> Each member of the team needs to be able to trust that their colleagues are looking out for their best interests, and for the best interests of the team/organisation. Teams with high levels of trust will take risks with each others' ideas, and they will accept information and opinions from their colleagues without insisting on intense interrogation. Trusting team members need not be naively compliant, but they will appreciate and work with each others' expertise and experience as if it is their own.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>3. Individuals work for the team good:</strong> Whilst it is human nature to protect one's own interests, self-serving behaviour can be extremely undermining of the collective effort. An emotionally intelligent team will find ways to balance the needs of the individuals within it, with the overall objectives of the team. Selfish behaviour will be self-regulated, within an under-pinning culture of collectivity. Individuals will also lend their support to their colleagues without hesitation or resentment, if it is in the best interests of the team.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>4. There is a sense of team achievement:</strong> Team members will encourage and congratulate each others' achievements, rather than competing for praise or attention. Individuals will generously attribute their own successes to the collective work of the team. They will understand the important contribution others make to their achievements, and they will value the tangible and intangible benefits of simply being a part of that team.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>5. Expectations are negotiated:</strong> Team members are successfully able to communicate and negotiate their expectations of each other. If there are no taboos, and minimal unspoken disagreements, there will be far less fuel for building resentment between individuals. You will be able to spot emotionally intelligent teams regularly checking out each others' expectations and doing all they can to ensure that they are as closely in alignment as possible.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>6. Conflicts are managed effectively:</strong> A team that has no conflicts is not necessarily emotionally intelligent - it may be a sign that people are afraid to speak their mind, or that they are being ruled with a rod of iron! A certain amount of conflict is inevitable in all teams, as it is often at the heart of creativity. Therefore look out for whether team members are able to freely express their opposing ideas and frustrations, and whether they use problem-solving techniques to find win-win solutions wherever possible.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So... how does your own team measure up to these indicators of 'Team Emotional Intelligence'? If most or all of these factors are present, then it is likely that your team is dynamic, productive and successful - and that its members are pleased to be a part of it! It is rare that these things happen by chance though. There is usually a team leader or manager who has worked hard to create the environment in which these factors can be nurtured and maintained. And there are usually a number of team members (if not all) who are self-aware and who understand that being part of a winning team requires effort - sometimes having to behave in ways that is counter-intuitive for the benefit of the team...</span></div>
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<span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Next time I'll share my ideas on how a team leader can foster higher levels of EI within their team.</span></div>
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</div>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-31728305896976852842010-03-19T12:07:00.000+00:002012-05-18T12:29:33.065+01:00Reasons to be cheerful, parts four, five and six?<img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5450321038572969906" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2IP7eMGafgAWFmEIQZuqclUOEX61a2qZrNEswKiOhdW15Ae_czE5yQuYu-aJr66yxaW3_lLi9hUzi5HLQ6xaEvWdqQQ9IMF1Mcs36qQxpN7aaIn-Ba2icF42QFtUFiBc0F2FKmEKRkvA/s320/half_full_or_half_empty.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: right; height: 320px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 215px;" /><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Spring is definitely in the air, there are signs of the dark cloud of the recession finally lifting and we have great hopes of winning the Eurovision Song Contest this year - why wouldn't we feel cheerful?</span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I may be showing my age with the Ian Dury reference, but he had a point I think... sometimes we need to remind ourselves to be cheerful, to look at our proverbial glass of whatever and concentrate really hard until it really looks half full. In my work as a training consultant, I can see the incredible benefits to be gained by maintaining an optimistic outlook. Yes, having a cheery atmosphere where everyone is smiling and happy makes the workplace a nicer place to be, but it goes a lot further than that. Those who are able to see the positive side of events and people and those who are able to persist in pursuing their goals despite obstacles and setbacks are far more likely to to achieve success - whatever they define it to be...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">The concept of 'dynamic optimism' is an interesting one. I came across an article a while ago by <em>Max More</em> Phd, who coined the phrase to describe the sort of optimism that is practical and that gets results - not just about putting on a false smile and telling ourselves and others that "everything will work out ok", but a tangible, intelligent sort of optimism that requires study and practice. Here are some useful ideas on the characteristics of dynamic optimists - see how many you recognise and if there are any that you don't currently use, why not try practicing them for a while and see what results you get?</span><br /></span><span style="color: black;"></span><br />
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<li><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><strong>Interpret your experiences positively:</strong></span> <span style="font-family: verdana;">Focus on enjoyable and constructive aspects of your life. See the world as full of opportunities and possibilities, and see any difficulties not as obstacles, but as challenges.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;"><strong>Challenge limiting beliefs:</strong> Use constructive skepticism to challenge the unquestioned constraints held by ourselves, our colleagues and by society - develop a fundamental openness to new ideas.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;"><strong>Avoid passive complaining:</strong> Rather than complaining about how unfair life is, and moaning about how difficult things are, take the world as it is and seek to find ways of moving forward.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;"><strong>Maintain a sense of humour:</strong> See your own and others' mistakes and shortcomings with a sense of healthy, good-natured humour - it will help to reveal new perspectives and will combat dogmatic thinking.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;"><strong>Utilise rational thought:</strong> Rather than being lead by fears or short-term desires, use rational thought to objectively analyse situations and take action based on reality.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;"><strong>Be experimental: </strong>Be open to trying out new ways of doing things, stay out of ruts, actively seek more effective ways of achieving your goals and be willing to take calculated risks.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;"><strong>Develop your self-confidence:</strong> Work on your self-esteem and self confidence so you truly believe that you are worthy of success and happiness, and have a fundamental belief in your competence to bring about good things.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;"><strong>Take responsibility:</strong> Take charge, and create the conditions required for success. Have integrity and live according to your values and be proactive in seeking solutions.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;"><strong>Seek continual improvement:</strong> Rather than being pushed along by fear, create an inspirational self-image and use this to maintain a personal drive to improve.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;"><strong>Create a positive environment:</strong> Be attracted to positive people and situations. Seek out people who will support and inspire you, not undermine, distract or discourage you.</span></span></li>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana;">These are just a few ideas. It's all pretty much common sense really, but if you become more aware of your thought processes, you may just catch yourself in the unwitting act of seeing your glass as half empty... and if you do, then you're far more likely to be able to tip the balance into a dynamic optimism - the type of optimism that will steer you towards achieving your goals, towards staying happier and healthier, and towards being more resilient to the inevitable pressures that life throws at us!</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-68301492100935501052010-02-23T17:53:00.000+00:002012-05-18T12:34:47.915+01:00How to Avoid Bullying<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWf7YeFXVaket34xpecSi2IRewZC4gPV9PxqaDXeUF8qwr6kQ7SNxxN_Uku71L5enjY84uGspgmej9lYShyphenhyphenKlalTBmssLUU5uLrimi2lJPYdZbMg3maFPPMx0iBnfURp2w6dP6IARhlxk/s1600-h/stress6.jpg"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5441514924347376418" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWf7YeFXVaket34xpecSi2IRewZC4gPV9PxqaDXeUF8qwr6kQ7SNxxN_Uku71L5enjY84uGspgmej9lYShyphenhyphenKlalTBmssLUU5uLrimi2lJPYdZbMg3maFPPMx0iBnfURp2w6dP6IARhlxk/s320/stress6.jpg" style="float: right; height: 184px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 320px;" /></span></a><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I couldn't help but think about the issue of workplace bullying this week, especially with the newspapers being filled with copy about the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">alleged</span> bullying behaviour by Gordon Brown towards his staff. Of course <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">I'm not</span> surprised that those nearest and dearest to him have <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">leapt</span> to his defence: </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://bit.ly/JccBK5">http://bit.ly/JccBK5</a><br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nobody wants to be accused of bullying, and few people would easily admit to being a bully, but it seems that there are more and more claims of bullying behaviour in the workplace these days. Why is it? Well, from my own experience as a trainer and coach, there are a number of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">possible</span> reasons:<br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>1. Too many managers and team leaders are promoted without adequate training and support</strong> - A large proportion of new managers who I meet have been appointed or promoted mainly on the basis of their technical ability, or their length of service. Whilst these things may be important to retain within an organisation, the lack of management experience and skills can, on balance, be more detrimental and can leave new managers having to find their feet through trial and error. I have been told many stories about the mistakes new managers have made in the way they've treated their staff. So many say that wish they'd had the training to help them to develop more facilitative management skills from the start.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>2. The workplace is becoming more and more pressurised</strong> - Whilst stress and pressure cannot excuse bullying behaviour, it is a reality that those people who are under the greatest pressure, and who are unable to manage their own stress and the resulting behaviour, are more likely to be perceived as bullies. I meet many people who say that it isn't their intention to take it out on their staff, but they just can't help themselves when the people around them are letting them down.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>3. There's a fine line between a passion for the job and bullying</strong> - There are many people who are so passionate about their work and about achieving excellence/perfection that they forget to make any allowances for the sensibilities of the people around them. Whilst they might defend themselves by saying that anyone who "cared enough" about their work would be the same, unfortunately this isn't entirely true. The individuals who achieve the greatest success at work are those who are able to bring others along with them - they are able to collaborate and get the best from their colleagues.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>4. Clear and direct management is sometimes misconstrued as bullying</strong> - It seems that there are so many people who have been 'managed' by inexperienced managers who lack the confidence and skills to assert themselves, that when an assertive manager comes along, their behaviour is perceived in comparison as being bullying. As the accusation of bullying is an extremely serious matter, it is particularly important that people understand the true nature of bullying, and don't mistake for a bully a confident and persistent manager who's taking charge.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>5. Disgruntled staff may falsely accuse their manager of bullying</strong> - As with any other accusation of an aggressive nature, the accusation of bullying must always be taken seriously and thoroughly investigated. However, there is always the possibility that the investigation will uncover an <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ulterior</span> motive on the part of the 'victim' who has used the issue of bullying to get back at their colleague/manager. I usually ask myself 'what has happened in the relationship to create the need to make such a false accusation?' It may not be that the accused has actually been a bully in the strictest sense, but it is possible that their behaviour may in some way have contributed to the the breakdown of trust and professional rapport in the relationship.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>6. During times of recession it is more difficult to just get up and leave</strong> - Whether it is a personal reality or simply a perception, people during a recession feel less inclined to leave a job unless it is absolutely necessary. There is therefore the potential for more people to feel trapped in their current position and to feel that they have no choice but to put up with bullying behaviour in the hope that it will go away in time.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>7. Lack of confidence and assertiveness skills</strong> - without feeling an entitlement to work in a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">conducive</span> and safe working environment; without the necessary communication skills to respond to the put-downs and snipes; without the confidence and skills to request the person to modify their behaviour, a person who is feeling bullied will not have the personal power to influence change for themselves before things become nasty.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #000066;"><strong>8. Management and/or HR may be reluctant to get involved</strong> - although the vast majority of senior managers and (one would hope) HR staff, would understand their duty of care, I meet many people who say that there seems to be a reluctance to step in and assist. It is understandable that managers are required to work out issues with their own staff without <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">interference</span> from above, and that colleagues are encouraged to work out their own differences. However from time to time the relationships become so damaged that the only chance of a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">resolution</span> is by involving an appropriate mediator and/or offering training/coaching for those involved.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At H2 Training & Consultancy, we're genuinely committed to doing what we can to alleviate the problem of bullying in the workplace. We're keen to provide support and guidance to everyone in the equation: we offer supportive training and coaching for those who are accused of, or in danger of being accused of bullying - helping them to become more self-aware and to develop strategies and skills to achieve desired outcomes without resorting to bullying or aggressive behaviour. We also work with people to help them to take proactive steps to manage their own stress and to work better under pressure, so that they're easier to work with! Our training is also useful for those who would like to improve their confidence and assertiveness skills to make themselves more <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">resilient</span> and better able to respond to bullying or aggressive behaviour. Finally, we also offer training to managers and to HR staff in how to provide appropriate/professional support and counselling for anyone involved in bullying accusations from either side. Whilst bullying in the workplace appears to be on the increase, I strongly believe that it needn't be an inevitable side-effect of tough working conditions. There are lots of explanations for the issue of workplace bullying, but there should never be an excuse for it... Little by little, we're proud to be playing our part in helping to eradicate it. We'd be pleased to hear from anyone who's been touched by the issue of bullying at work, and to hear your views on how it can be alleviated.<br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Finally, if you're interested in training or coaching for yourself or your colleagues, check out the H2 website: </span><a href="http://h2training.com/training.html"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">http://h2training.com/training.html</span></a><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> where you'll find details of our open and in-house courses. </span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-41747972603011003532009-07-27T12:57:00.000+01:002012-05-18T12:39:37.915+01:00Dealing with difficult relationships at work<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVsB8Ip0ABtL2ecIjZcvbYkmoyp0DSawWFt8JwT-Ow-dk1yS4CU6t3UmRRiBgjCDxWGiBHGo4Uuxr9115v0GAMn-b6JTu-1ROmtDtBs0cRYRyENf7kA7BhxTKaNI5Tfm65sD9gU1wJyg0/s1600-h/stress2.jpg"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5363115617359909682" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVsB8Ip0ABtL2ecIjZcvbYkmoyp0DSawWFt8JwT-Ow-dk1yS4CU6t3UmRRiBgjCDxWGiBHGo4Uuxr9115v0GAMn-b6JTu-1ROmtDtBs0cRYRyENf7kA7BhxTKaNI5Tfm65sD9gU1wJyg0/s320/stress2.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: right; height: 210px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 320px;" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As a trainer, I often meet people who are anxious to find answers and solutions to various reationship issues they have at work. Many of us spend more hours at work than we do at home, or with friends and family - so it's no wonder that difficult relationships with colleagues and/or managers is cited as one of the biggest sources of stress. If you're having to deal with one or more difficult relationships at work, here's some of the advice I've given in the past:<br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Differences and conflict are to be expected</strong></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />Remember that a certain number of differences and conflicts in the workplace are not only normal - they are to be expected, and can be a healthy sign of a diverse team. One of the key factors determining the success of working relationships is not whether there are any conflicts/differences, but how they are dealt with. Learning to respond positively to such situations will therefore almost certainly improve the quality of the overall relationship you have with your colleagues.<br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>It's probably not personal</strong><br />Remember that this is a work situation and it is quite likely that the person/s causing you difficulty would probably be doing the same to anyone in your position. So try not to personalise it too much. The perpetrator is normally focused on their own needs and not worrying about you as a person. You represent someone who is getting in the way of their own plans or desires in one way or another, so whilst viewing them as a person do not get pulled into their problem.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Don't try to change them</strong><br />Difficult people will not change on their own and it is unlikely that you will be able to change them. Although this can be a depressing thought, take comfort in the fact that this at least makes their actions predictable. Just because they won’t change it does not mean that you cannot change the situation, or that careful planning can result in a successful outcome for you.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Try to see them as an ally</strong><br />Being in conflict tends to make people see the “other side” as an enemy, and to look for their mistakes. You need to reverse this, by recognising and reinforcing the positive elements of each person’s position within the context of the team as a whole.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Seek to resolve, not to dissolve</strong><br />Be clear with yourself and with them that you want to reach a win/win resolution. If you get into a head-on battle based on retaliation then you are both likely to have a miserable time. Formulate your strategy and decide what you want the outcome to be. Then concentrate on achieving this, and not on the negative issues or your bad feelings about the person.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Keep it in perspective</strong><br />Keep the whole situation in perspective. This is just one situation in your life, and you are probably surrounded by many other positive things. Focus on the people who are important to you and seek solace with your colleagues and or clients at work that do support you.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Be prepared</strong><br />Plan your approach to the situation. Once you are sure that your feelings are reasonable, think strategically about what you would like to change, and the best way of making it happen. Keep in mind your on-going relationship with the person, and don’t be afraid to compromise for the sake of a greater goal. Before you approach the person, practice what you’re going to say, and establish a positive, assertive frame of mind.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Clarify perceptions</strong><br />Genuine progress can’t be made without understanding on all sides. You need to make sure that everyone fully understands each other’s standpoint. Be a good role model by listening with empathy and summarising the main points clearly and unemotionally. Use ‘we’ statements to describe areas of common ground and to encourage a more collaborative approach.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Focus on shared interests</strong><br />Identify the things that are important to all concerned. Ask them “What is really important to you?” There are usually multiple interests, and some will be shared, which is the basis for resolution. Recognise that sustaining relationships requires meeting the needs of both. Postpone contentious demands that might damage the relationship until shared interests have been established.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Tackle the difficult stuff</strong><br />The past can be an impenetrable barrier to the future. People cling on to protect pride and old beliefs. Letting go may be difficult and painful, but is essential to open the gate to the future. Demonstrate and encourage forgiveness (without necessarily offering approval), and try to articulate what usually goes unexpressed. Focus on the feelings of here and now, without picking open old wounds.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Listen to their responses</strong><br />Whilst you can ensure that you handle a difficult situation assertively, it is not always going to be the case that the other person will immediately agree and show compliance. Even the best suggestions have potential problems and you may be questioned on your ideas. Be careful that you don’t to see their questioning as disagreement – or you may react aggressively (by arguing your point) or non-assertively (by quickly backing down). Try to handle their response reasonably, and assertively.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Suggest options for the future</strong><br />Find ways of creatively identifying alternatives together. Listen and give proper consideration to all ideas without dismissing any offhand. Discuss ways of inventing new options to meet shared needs.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Agree mutual benefits</strong><br />Before agreeing to action, make sure everyone feels that a win-win solution has been found (although compromises may need to be made along the way). Construct a detailed vision of the future. Don’t rush this stage.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Agree action</strong><br />Develop quick wins; that is, things that can immediately be done to bring both sides closer to the shared goal. Ensure that you are both clear about any action that is required. Don’t rely on temporary quick fixes that are not sufficient to meet the longer-term solution. Encourage personal accountability by suggesting that you review the situation after a practical length of time – and make sure you both stick to it. If people don’t feel responsible, you haven’t reached a full resolution.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hope these suggestions are useful. Of couse none of these will instantly transform the situation (no matter how desperately you'd love to wave a magic wand!) but they may well help to move things in the right direction. Repairing damaged relationships can take time, and always requires patience and a positive attitude. I'd love to hear from anyone who's successfully used any or all of the above ideas...</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-13112948767527929832009-07-22T08:01:00.000+01:002012-05-18T12:40:59.596+01:00Are you considered "difficult to manage"?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ9WMCT15nmRfrP_SqSOYleyMT4rjaZrI4RHdGVhYR0Ow4rzDCjJVBUDNoEx_skIS1R2asArj4r3JMejzL-28oM3wA7gglz2NN3Hd-CWresKsCSwhazcmBCerAUNlxCWpJdb8m59s9xLc/s1600-h/stress8.jpg"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: verdana;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5361277258044439026" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ9WMCT15nmRfrP_SqSOYleyMT4rjaZrI4RHdGVhYR0Ow4rzDCjJVBUDNoEx_skIS1R2asArj4r3JMejzL-28oM3wA7gglz2NN3Hd-CWresKsCSwhazcmBCerAUNlxCWpJdb8m59s9xLc/s320/stress8.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: right; height: 320px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 252px;" /></span></a><span style="color: #000066; font-family: verdana;"> I was asked last week by one of my course attendees: "<em>How do you know if your boss considers you to be difficult to manage?”</em><br /><br />Of course nobody would like to think that they're thought of as (or worse still, actually) difficult to manage, but it has to be said... I also meet hundreds of managers in the course of my job who are relieved to be able to share stories of all their 'difficult' supervisees. So it doesn't take a genius to work out that there's got to be some of us who are considered difficult, but don't know it.<br /><br />It is understandable that many people would assume that they would know if their boss thought badly of them, but in my experience many managers avoid telling their staff what they’re really thinking - especially if it's not all that positive. So why would we want to know the uncomfortable truth? Isn't is just easier to keep your head down, get on with your job and deal with the day-to-day interactions without 'navel-gazing' or worrying unduly about what our boss <em>might</em> think about us? My opinion is partly yes, because it's not helpful to become paranoid, or overly self-conscious at work. However, whilst you may be in 'blissful ignorance', your manager may be sharing their opinion with others. Clearly, getting a reputation for being “difficult to manage” can definitely be a problem if you want to progress within your organisation.<br /><br />I therefore believe that there's a huge benefit to be gained by those who are willing to take an honest look at their own behaviour at work - particularly in relation to their own manager, and to make changes to anything that they think is getting in the way of either their personal goals, or is making their workplace relationships less than productive/pleasant.<br /><br />Here are a few examples of "difficult to manage" behaviours that managers have shared with me. Why not take a few minutes to consider your current situation from your own boss’s point of view, and see if there are any that apply to you..<br /><br /><strong>1. Difficulty accepting authority</strong><br />It is inevitable that managers will have a certain amount of positional power. However, some individuals have a general resistance to being told what to do, or they feel that their particular manager is not qualified, skilled or experienced enough to manage them properly. These attitudes are usually spotted by managers who are on the receiving end of arguments, heated debates, protracted discussions or direct criticisms from their supervisees.<br /><br /><em>Could this be you? Our advice:</em> Accept the fact that your manager's job includes supervising you, as that’s how organisations work! Even if you're not impressed with your manager's skills/abilities, you still need to demonstrate respect by learning how to express your opinions without arguing or criticising, and by turning conflicts into productive problem-solving discussions.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;"><strong>2. Ignoring management requests<br /></strong>Many people avoid being confrontational with their manager, as they know this will usually not go down too well. So instead, they opt for passive-aggressive behaviours, where they express their discontent, or even their contempt by 'choosing' not to complete tasks to quality or to deadline, or 'choosing' not to respond (quickly) to requests. If their manager ever raises these lapses, the individuals involved often express shock and resentment, and have a long list of circumstances or other people to blame.<br /><br /><em>Could this be you? Our advice:</em> It is unwise to ignore anything that your manager asks you to do. If you don’t have enough time, if you have other priorities, or if the request seems unreasonable, then you should express your concerns at the time, in an assertive, non-confrontational manner. Respectful renegotiation of priorities is much better than failing to meet expectations.<br /><br /><strong>3. Complaining about colleagues</strong><br />Managers really dislike having their time wasted, being dragged into what they see as "petty squabbles" or "personality clashes" in their teams. If you take too many of these sorts of issues to your manager to solve, you will look like someone who can’t work well with others, or who can't resolve simple conflicts.<br /><br /><em>Could this be you? Our advice:</em> If one of your colleagues is frustrating or annoying you, then ask yourself if their behaviour is affecting your ability to do a good job. If the answer is “no”, then do your best to distract yourself, stop worrying about it and just let it go. If their behaviour is having a negative impact on your work, then you should attempt to work out a solution, preferably directly with the person concerned. If you are unable to find a resolution, or if the issue is so serious that need to involve your manager, then focus on solving the 'business problem', and not on complaining about your colleague.<br /><br /><strong>4. Negative attitude</strong><br />Some people just seem to have a negative attitude at work. They may not have always been like that - it may be the pressure of work, or lack of direction that has made them that way. However, to a manager, having a person in the team who regularly whines, criticises or blames is very tiresome. Even if there are potential problems in an idea, managers experience people who always spot the problems as problems themselves.<br /><br /><em>Could this be you? Our advice:</em> Take some time to reflect on your conversations with your manager, and estimate the percentage of positive and negative comments/contributions that you make. If you do point out possible problems, then try to balance these by including some positive aspects, such as how much you're looking forward to the challenge. Also try to include some positive feedback and appreciation to your interactions with your manager.<br /><br /><strong>5. Unreliable</strong><br />All managers are concerned about meeting deadlines because they are usually judged on how well they/their team meets them. If you are consistently late with your work, then your manager will eventually stop trusting you with important tasks. Even if you produce work to a high quality, your manager won't appreciate the effort you have put in if it is late.<br /><br /><em>Could this be you? Our advice:</em> If you are involved in setting or negotiating your own deadlines, make sure they are realistic and take into account anything or anyone that might slow you down. If you realise that you are not going to meet a deadline that you agreed with your manager, then let them know as soon as possible and suggest strategies for damage limitation.<br /><br /><strong>6. Defensive</strong><br />Most managers find giving feedback or constructive criticism the most difficult part of their job. What makes it more difficult for them is having individuals to manage who cannot take the feedback or criticism without leaping to their own defence. This can involve a range of different behaviours, from blaming others to blaming personal circumstances. While managers try to be sympathetic about these issues, they often resent having them used as excuses for dips in performance.<br /><br /><em>Could this be you? Our advice:</em> Nobody particularly likes being criticised, or being given feedback - even if it is constructive. It is a natural reaction to defend yourself from anything seen as an attack. However, try to understand and accept the criticism from your manager's point of view first by asking questions. Then calmly try to identify the possible causes of the problem, as part of a joint problem-solving exercise. If you know you've made a mistake, then own up early on and make suggestions about how you rectify the consequences, or learn from it for future reference.<br /><br /><strong>7. Lacking initiative</strong><br />Although it may seem that some managers just want people to do as they're told, most managers actually wish that their supervisees could get on with the job, and use their initiative instead of waiting for them to provide the direction or motivation to act. Even though the team may just be trying to be courteous, the manager can end up feeling like they're the only person in the team who has any drive or commitment.<br /><br /><em>Could this be you? Our advice:</em> Although it is wise not to tread on your manager's toes by getting involved in issues that are clearly not part of your remit, there are plenty of ways you can demonstrate your initiative. Begin by showing an interest in how to improve your current responsibilities. Make suggestions, but let them have the final decision. Avoid taking problems to your manager without at least one possible solution. You may be able to come up with something together, but at least you're not just waiting for them to solve all your problems.<br /><br /><strong>8. Disloyal</strong><br />Most managers see their team at work as a sort of family group, and as such they will expect a level of loyalty to the team, and to them as the team leader. If a manager is contradicted in a meeting with other departments (even if it is justified); or if they know that a member of their team has been complaining or sharing problems with people outside their team (even if they see it as 'de-briefing' or 'reporting'), then they will feel extremely let down and undermined.<br /><br /><em>Could this be you? Our advice:</em> Understand the importance of demonstrating loyalty in creating a strong trusting relationship with your manager. Even if there are problems, make sure that whatever you say to others, you have already said directly to your manager. Even better, discuss with your manager how any contentious issues might be shared with others. If you can show your commitment to putting on a united-front, you will reassure your manager that they can trust you.<br /><br />If you're a manager, we'd love to hear any other suggestions from you about what makes a person "difficult to manage" - and even better, your suggestions as to what they could be doing to become a cherished employee...</span></span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-11757179461180069422007-12-05T11:21:00.000+00:002012-05-18T12:45:41.443+01:00Can you be too Assertive?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAR_FEWBlr5tYn72JnDpSgQFqfn6OEHGlBInqQEe4j_DmzwRtMPG6Z1iCXkJs5vZwFrhdCJy2znm4nSb7p_Q3wiFDpyA53DG4KtLIhELVViY8S-uE2LaIW9eQ7C0QgUz-voy-3E-jp3IU/s1600-h/angry_woman.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" height="211" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5140461531630002594" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAR_FEWBlr5tYn72JnDpSgQFqfn6OEHGlBInqQEe4j_DmzwRtMPG6Z1iCXkJs5vZwFrhdCJy2znm4nSb7p_Q3wiFDpyA53DG4KtLIhELVViY8S-uE2LaIW9eQ7C0QgUz-voy-3E-jp3IU/s320/angry_woman.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: right; height: 211px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 269px;" width="244" /></a><span style="color: #000066; font-family: verdana;">A question I am ofen asked during training or coaching sessions is whether a person can be <em>too</em> assertive... I suppose the immediate answer is "Yes, definitely!" It is a common worry of my course participants that they will learn to be too assertive and will become a pain by being constantly "in the faces" of their friends and colleagues.<br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana;">I have to admit that the idea of anyone, including myself becoming so clear about their "rights" and their "needs" that it scares other people off. Nobody likes to be bombarded with "me, me, me" do they?<br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana;">However, I feel that the problem lies not with the model of communication we call "Assertiveness", but with our commonly held misunderstanding of the term. I remember on several occasions in the early days of my career as an employee, that a manager or a colleague would return from training all psyched up to be "more assertive". The problem was that the transformation was actually quite laughable. They would strut their stuff around the office, tell people in no uncertain terms what they wanted of them, and would have no problem in expressing their discontent about important issues such as washing up the tea mugs.... oh dear, it was truly a forerunner for the brilliant TV classic "The Office". If if wasn't so funny, it would be tragic!<br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana;">So... what has been going wrong? Is it because people are so fed up of not being heard, of being a doormat and of not being appreciated that one word of permission to be assertive, and they swing to the other extreme? Or is it that they just haven't understood the true meaning of the assertiveness model, or <em>how to</em> put it into practice? I think it is probably a bit of both. Nobody likes to feel out of control of their own situations, and yet so many people find themselves unhappy with the impact of other people's power and control over them. Whether it's a domineering boss, or a pushy customer, or an insistant colleague... it's just so much easier to let them get away with it, than causing a scene or upsetting the equilibrium. The trouble is that when these issues are left to continue, resentment builds up. And a build up of resentment can often lead to either a spontaneous and embarrassing outbust, or (not so) subtle signs of irritation. Clearly, an unhappy situation. The solution? Learn to become more assertive of course! Oh dear - you can imagine another David or Davina Brent is born...<br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana;">In my opinion, the real solution is definitely to become more assertive - but to learn <em>how to</em> do it effectively. The first step is in understanding that assertiveness is not just about knowing and asserting your rights. It is also about knowing and fulfilling your responsibilities. These being: to assert your own ideas and seek to get your own needs met, whilst valuing and respecting the rights and needs of others. Without these important responsibilites, any attempt to be assertive immediately becomes aggressive. For example, you may wish to take time off from work at short notice... previously you may have worried about it all day, and gone to your manager apologising profusely for the inconvenience and telling them that you understand if it's not possible. This is clearly an example of passive behaviour. Nothing wrong per se with passive behaviour, but the consequences are probably that you don't get your needs met. So the next time, you have a go at being more assertive. You go into your manager's office first thing and tell them that you'll be leaving early today. OK?... That's definitely more direct, and less grovelling, but without giving any option for the manager to have an opinion, or any recognition of the consequences is actually quite disrespectful and therefore aggressive. Imagine if you were that manager and had someone come into your office and speak to you like that! I wouldn't blame them for thinking that the assertivenss training was a bit of a mistake!<br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana;">My point is that the second scenario is not a person being too assertive. It is actually a person trying to be assertive, but in fact being aggressive. True assertiveness is highly respectful, it involves clear and direct communication about needs, but it also includes empathy, and helpful suggestions, as well as leaving room for negotiation. In this example, a person behaving assertively would choose a convenient time for the manager to have a quick chat. They would briefly explain their reason for wanting time off, and would suggest how they could minimise any impact on the team.<br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana;">So... can you be too assertive? I don't think so. In the same way that you can't be too respectful, or too balanced, or too reasonable. It is definitely time to understand the true nature of assertive communication, and to stop giving it a bad name, by mistakenly aggressing others in the name of assertiveness!<br /><br /></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: Verdana;">I'd be interested to hear your views and experiences of working with people who are naturally assertive, or who have really mastered the art of putting the theory into practice. Or perhaps you have a story to share about someone who transformed themselves overnight into a real life Mr or Ms Brent!</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-15408757770688832142007-08-02T13:01:00.000+01:002012-05-18T12:53:55.857+01:00Building Trust and Rapport<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXnDYu39DeL1Yfl88kuqWsakpAYWj3_grLhhIsm4j34oWxBh24Wu0dwDuQg5cQPspxC1KDhOvs1TnWM2dL_sGbU0WQx2FF_pu1KIj4oq8kU9AcmYisLam0KmiZJJdQw5xbwAh8zrJ2U-s/s1600-h/arm_wrestle.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5094085236056976946" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXnDYu39DeL1Yfl88kuqWsakpAYWj3_grLhhIsm4j34oWxBh24Wu0dwDuQg5cQPspxC1KDhOvs1TnWM2dL_sGbU0WQx2FF_pu1KIj4oq8kU9AcmYisLam0KmiZJJdQw5xbwAh8zrJ2U-s/s320/arm_wrestle.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: right; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px;" /></a><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">An ability to establish rapport and maintain trust is a crucial 'soft skill' - particularly for internal or external consultants, advisers, customer service staff, negotiators, or project team members. Without trust and rapport, your attempts to influence will be severely hampered, and your ability to work collaboratively will be diminished.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">This was really brought home to me recently when I received a sales call from a company who we have been advertising with for a couple of years. (They shall, of course remain nameless, but if you're reading this C, you'll know who you are...!) Anyway, in a nutshell, we'd agreed to advertise on their new website 2 years ago, with promises of great things (first mistake!). At the end of the first 12 months, no results - no enquiries, no stats to back up exposure... nothing. So we were told it was probably because we hadn't paid enough and needed to enhance our entry. "<em>OK</em>" I eventually said... lets try again... so I paid slightly more for a second try (second mistake!). 12 months on, and I receive the call asking for a renewal again. "<em>Well</em>" I say, <em>"We still have had no response - my own website stats show no links from your site to ours."</em> H</span><span style="font-family: verdana;">e went away and gathered some of his own stats: just over 300 people had seen our information on their site in the past year. His suggestion...? <em>"You're obviously not getting enough exposure, so how about you double your investment and you'll be more likely to get some results...?"<br /><br /></em></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;">Of course I was a little naive to accept the suggestion to keep trying a year ago for the same fee, but to double it this year!! I was horrified. He explained that there are no guarantees - I didn't say it, but I thought to myself: <em>"Yes there are, there's a guarantee that I won't be paying you another penny, and unless I get something to show for my money over the past two years, I am guaranteed not to endorse your company to any of my associates...!"<br /><br /></em></span></span></em></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #000066;"><em><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">I told him it was like telling someone who is losing at roulette to double their stake as this will enhance their chances of winning. </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">The conversation went on, with him trying to sell me more 'product' and me trying to explain that this was no longer a sales conversation, but a customer complaint. 300 views in a year cannot be considered value for money. F</span><span style="font-family: verdana;">ortunately I managed to speak to the Marketing Director, and we discussed the situation in detail. He empathised with my position and said he wouldn't insult me by asking me to 'throw good money after bad'. The good news is that the company is now looking for a way for me to get some results from the money I've already invested in them. The Director took the time to find out what the problem was and accepted that a) I was probably sold the wrong product, and b) I had not received any ROI. It won't cost them anything to put the situation right, but they'll keep a customer and potentially turn me from a complainant to an advocate. What a RESULT!<br /><br /></span></span></em></span></span><span style="color: #000066;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="color: #000066; font-family: verdana;">I'm still waiting for the final outcome of the above scenario, but I remain hopeful. It required a lot of persistence on my part, but actually it was a useful experience and it gave me a clear contrast between two intelligent articulate guys, one of whom broke my trust and destroyed any professional rapport he'd built within a few minutes. The other was able to win me back with his empathy, ability to actively listen and willingness to accept where they had made mistakes.<br /><br /></span></span></span><span style="color: #000066; font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Here are some tips on establishing rapport and building trust - see how many you use to create strong professional relationships at work:<br /><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Establishing rapport is an essential part of any conversation. It helps to build mutual respect, and helps to move people away from suspicion and/or ritualistic behaviour. Rapport building involves building empathetic and respectful relationships and having an awareness of conscious and unconscious acts. Establishing rapport is the first step in any face-to-face encounter, and an essential part of any conversation. When you know a person well, establishing rapport can be immediate. With strangers, more time and effort is needed.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><strong>Tips for establishing rapport</strong></span>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Greet people warmly</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Maintain comfortable eye contact</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Radiate accessibility – show that you’re approachable</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Use peoples names (not too often, as it can appear patronising)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Match your speech to the other person’s</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Be aware of body language – try to be open, calm and confident</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Share a little information about yourself in order to form a personal bond</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Select appropriate topics to talk about – particularly during your first meeting</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Encourage the other person to talk – avoid interrupting</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Pay full attention to the other person – listen actively</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Be flexible to the preferred style and personality of the other person</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Be sensitive to the occasion and environment</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /><br />When you are with friends, or in a social context, these skills are applied relatively naturally. In a work context, it is easy to let “professionalism”, formality or nerves get in the way. Remembering that colleagues are also human beings, with emotional needs and feelings should help to ensure that you apply the same rapport building skills as you would outside of work. There are a number of techniques that can be used to establish rapport, but they will only really be effective if they are matched with an inner commitment to use them appropriately and with integrity and discretion.<br /><br />Remember that too much small-talk can be distracting and can slow things down when there are more important things to discuss. Try to find a comfortable balance between setting the tone within the first couple of minutes, and moving on to the matter in hand. If you appear to be too contrived, you will be thought of as manipulative and untrustworthy.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana;">Trust is a reciprocal process that is at the heart of our willingness to interact with others openly and honestly. Our own experiences in life leave us with a set of beliefs about others’ intentions towards us, and this in turn affects how much trust we exhibit in others. Words such as naïve are often used to describe people who give too much trust in others and reticent and sceptical for those who show no trust. Getting the balance right is essential. A key factor of successful influencing is therefore to find a way of successfully getting the balance right.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Tips for maintaining trust<br /></strong><br />The following factors have been identified to encourage the trust of others. Clearly there are some that you can do less about than others, such as personal attractiveness or having a trustworthy role… However, you may find it useful to bear the others in mind when trying to demonstrate your own trustworthiness:</span></li>
</strong></font>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Demonstrating expertise, knowledge and experience shared with others </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Having a trustworthy appearance (wearing appropriate clothes) </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Being attractive to the other person </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Having a trustworthy role, such as doctor, priest or lawyer </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Developing an empathetic, respectful rapport </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Being open and honest</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Handling confidential information with sensitivity and respect </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Keeping promises (only making promises you can keep) </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Being fair, and avoiding discriminating unfairly or unlawfully</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Taking responsibility for your actions/mistakes</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Providing timely information</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Being competent at your job</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Being up-front and clear in your communications</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Allowing people to make their own decisions (not being ‘over-pushy’) </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Being comfortable with expressing an opposing opinion to your own</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Displaying positive non-verbal behaviour, Eg: an open posture, eye contact, firm handshake </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Offering unsolicited help with a problem</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Listening to other people’s concerns, without judging them or their actions </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Allowing people to involve you by providing your time selectively </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Acting responsibly and professionally at all times </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Providing timely information and/or resources to meet people’s needs </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Providing people with honest feedback about performance</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Sharing a business or personal confidence, but not someone else’s personal concern – that’s gossip</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Keeping your promises, and only making promises you can keep</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Acting consistently with your words – acting true to what you say are your beliefs <br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana;">As with rapport building, there are a number of ‘techniques’ that can be used to establish trust, however they are unlikely to work unless you have a genuine commitment to using them with integrity and discretion…</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">We'd be interested to hear your own experiences of working with people who either a) have a fantastic 'knack' of forging strong working relationships, or b) have lost your trust in them by their one-off or ongoing behaviour. We look forward to hearing from you!</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7719392002800142413.post-22537822977944843472007-07-24T14:55:00.000+01:002012-05-18T12:55:00.423+01:00Soft Skills Training – How to Get a Return on Your Investment<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP7xFxRUr_GzX6fefsKhPkhl2y_2VK-1AprkFRz4oqjg8qT1yOIwflGSNU2m3oa6amhLUJDWGjxfzowECaVhCM-LGFrzn36bv_spfyS2nV77uU9qC2agAGDAHlD4VkboUlEKu8jAlQvm4/s1600-h/prove_it.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5090791734875319826" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP7xFxRUr_GzX6fefsKhPkhl2y_2VK-1AprkFRz4oqjg8qT1yOIwflGSNU2m3oa6amhLUJDWGjxfzowECaVhCM-LGFrzn36bv_spfyS2nV77uU9qC2agAGDAHlD4VkboUlEKu8jAlQvm4/s320/prove_it.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: right; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px;" /></a><span style="font-family: verdana;"><strong>A hard case for Soft Skills</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: verdana;">During the last decade there have been significant changes to working practices throughout the UK. In order to keep pace with increasing competition, many companies are requiring higher levels of productivity and higher quality from their employees than ever before. This, together with the move away from traditional hierarchical structures to team-based working, has brought about a greater need for new skills and strategies amongst employees at all levels, particularly in the areas of teamwork, leadership and communication. Indeed, there is compelling evidence that suggests that companies that consistently value and invest in the personal effectiveness of their staff are more likely to meet the increasing challenges of national and/or global competition. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /><strong><em>“The development of an organisation's people lies at the heart of its overall development and growth”</em> - Investors in People</strong><br /><br />Hundreds of millions of pounds each year is spent by business in the UK on soft skills training, but how big is the return on the investment (ROI)? <br /><br />Whenever budgets become the driving factor in decision-making and training strategy, courses without an obvious ROI are often the first to get the chop. This is understandable - if the results are seen as short-lived, and perhaps intangible, then it’s simply not worth the investment. Course participants may find the training useful, practical and enlightening on the day, but a month down the line? Are they really using the skills and continuing to implement their learning back in the workplace? Despite good intentions, have they returned to their familiar, but unproductive habits?<br /><br />Having worked with a wide range of different organisations in various sectors over the years, we are well aware of the need for sustainable improvements in the soft-skills. We have also discovered that long-term improvements can be made, but only where there is a change in attitudes and often company culture, which can only be achieved through a longer-term, proactive strategy. <br /><br />Here we reflect on the difference between ‘hard’ and ‘soft’ skills training, and discuss some of the ways we believe will help to achieve more permanent results from soft skills training that deliver the essential ‘return on investment’. </span><br />
</span><strong><span style="font-family: verdana;">Hard skills vs. soft skills</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: verdana;">The term ‘hard skills’ relates to the skills and knowledge required to carry out the technical and administrative aspects of an organisation's business. These include IT skills, knowledge of financial procedures, ability to operate equipment and competence in administration. These skills are relatively easy to observe and measure as there are clearly defined ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ ways of doing things. For this reason, they're also easy to train.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />The ‘soft skills’ are entirely different. The skills of communication, listening, giving feedback, solving problems, delegating, negotiating, motivating others and resolving conflict (to name but a few) are typically much more difficult to observe and measure. They are also more difficult to train, because unlike the hard skills courses, people usually come along with deep-rooted behaviour patterns that are learned throughout their lives, and not just at work. Individuals learn how to deal with countless inter-personal situations and challenges by observing how other people do things, and by experimenting for themselves. They then stick with what appears to work and usually with what gives immediate benefits or relief. The ultimate result is that everyone ends up with a unique approach to interacting with others. Some of these learnt behaviours may be effective, but others can be counter-productive. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /><strong>Changing habits</strong><br />Introducing any new interpersonal skill is far more difficult than learning a new technical skill, because it almost always involves replacing old habits. As behaviour patterns are physically established at the brain cell level, any new pattern, even one that makes sense, and one that is desired and expected, will still feel extremely uncomfortable and difficult to achieve. The only way to replace old behaviour patterns is to introduce new behaviours that consistently prove to be more successful. Furthermore, only with regular reinforcement will new brain pathways take over from the old ones.<br /><br /><strong>When an individual returns to a workplace from training, more than anything else they need ongoing feedback, guidance and encouragement.</strong><br />Understanding how the brain is involved in the learning process helps us to understand that the only thing that can create permanent behavioural change is frequent reinforcement - over the long term. If an individual truly desires to change an interpersonal behaviour, and is supported by the ongoing encouragement of a knowledgeable mentor or coach, then new patterns can be established. Soft skills training programmes are of course an important first step. They provide an essential introduction to tried and tested ‘models’ of behaviour and best practice. They also ignite the motivation to change. However, after the course is over it is the ongoing reinforcement of desired behaviours that has to be provided to ensure that the changes are implemented. <br /><br />An organisation may invest heavily in a people skills training programme, but unless active reinforcement after the event is planned, the results will be limited and the investment wasted. This explains why even a well designed and delivered training programme cannot by itself change ingrained behaviour patterns. Without on-going and frequent reinforcement, even people who want to change are likely to return to their old, comfortable patterns. <br /><br /><strong>Assessments</strong><br />Before commissioning any training provision, it is essential to conduct a thorough assessment of existing competence. The easiest, and arguably most effective way to do this is through 360-degree feedback, which provides a fairly objective assessment of skills that are often difficult to observe and measure. Analysis of current people skills enables priority areas to be identified. This in turn enables training providers to deliver the right courses, to the right people at the right time, so funds are spent wisely. The assessment process also acts as a powerful tool for self-awareness and therefore becomes an effective motivator for change. Repeat assessments can be useful for identifying improvements and for encouraging on-going personal development.<br /><br /><strong>Develop helpful attitudes towards change</strong><br />Developing individuals and teams requires the winning of hearts as well as minds. Simply developing knowledge and skills without shifting attitudes so that people are willing to embrace change, take on different approaches and new practices, will not ensure that real lasting changes will be made. Although knowledge and skills development is clearly very important, equally important is enabling learning to take place by identifying and removing any individual barriers such as resistance, doubt, self-limiting beliefs and negativity.<br /><br />The personal development required to move individuals from rejection of change towards acceptance and commitment requires high levels of emotional intelligence, including self-esteem and self awareness, and an awareness of, and respect for others. In order to assist people to accept change, managers need to be able to encourage and motivate course participants prior to, as well as after training.<br /><br /><strong>In-house versus external delivery</strong><br />External (public/open) courses can be particularly cost-effective for training small numbers of employees. Attendance can be arranged to suit the individual, it can be arranged with little or no notice, and it gives participants the opportunity to have a glimpse into other people’s worlds at work, which can be extremely inspiring. However, sometimes people struggle to apply what they have learned on their return to the workplace. If everything at work remains unchanged, the returning trainee will find it extremely difficult to implement and sustain the required behavioural/practical changes to make a difference.<br /><br />Whilst in-house training for the whole team requires a little more logistical planning, it means that every team member shares the same training experience. Well executed training exercises in which colleagues from all levels work together as equals, in a safe and structured way has tremendous benefits: it brings a fresh perspective to all and increases team understanding and rapport. It can also enable more open communication and exploration of any conflict or tensions, allowing individuals to voice their frustrations and seek joint solutions constructively.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>The benefits</strong><br />Whilst qualitative results are hard to quantify, we believe there are many tangible benefits to investing a little more time to ensure that soft-skills training is as effective as it can be. These include creating/enabling:</span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>dynamic working culture</strong> – Team members become better equipped to problem solve positively and proactively, and they have the determination to strive for excellence.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>successful implementation of change</strong> - Effective leadership, individual motivation and improved communication brings active involvement, and commitment to planned changes.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>increased satisfaction</strong> – Improved communication and an open, dynamic working culture improves overall satisfaction and commitment.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>reduction in staff turnover</strong> - A more satisfied and committed, less stressed workforce is less likely to move on. Salary and other benefits become less important when team members feel respected, appreciated and supported.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>more efficient meetings</strong> - Open and honest communication, and effective facilitation of meetings saves time and improves collaborative problem solving and decision-making.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>meeting of deadlines</strong> – More effective communication and negotiation between departments means that targets are more likely to be met because of increased transparency, trust and rapport. </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>increased productivity</strong> – Through effective leadership, improved motivation and communication, individuals and teams are better equipped to achieve results.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>saving of managerial time</strong> - Improved team communication and collaborative problem solving results in fewer conflicts and fewer demands on management time.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>reduction in complaints</strong> – Improved collaboration, negotiation and resolution of problems results in fewer grievances, and a reduction in internal and external complaints.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: small;">In summary, 'Soft Skills' Training can and does offer ROI through sustainable and valuable improvements, particularly when:</span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">It is strategically linked to individual, team and organisational needs</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">It addresses individual, team and organisational attitudes to change</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">It is supported by on-going reinforcements by managers and team members</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">It is followed by real opportunities to practise “<em>how to</em>”.</span></li>
</ol>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: small;">If you have any thoughts, comments or suggestions on how to improve ROI from Soft Skills training, we'd be glad to hear from you...</span>Tina Halperinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14884784744073382830noreply@blogger.com4