How do you give feedback without causing offence?

When you think about it, "feedback" is a strange term isn't it? However, as a trainer and a coach I prefer to put all thoughts of reciprocal feeding aside and to focus on the extremely valuable tool that it can be...

The trouble with feedback is that unless it is used responsibly, sensitively and ethically, it can also be quite destructive - to the person on the receiving end and also to the on-going relationship. That's probably why so many people decide to opt out of giving feedback unless they're absolutely cornered to do so... and even then, they'll try to think up something bland and non-committal to say for fear of offending. At the other end of the spectrum, there are those people who just can't help themselves... putting others down, sharing their pearls of wisdom with: "Oh, you don't want to do it like that", or "If I were you...". Well you'll never be me, so what's your point actually?

All that aside, feedback that is well thought through and timely can be extremely valuable as a proactive method of sharing your experience, views, needs and preferences. Managers and Team Leaders who learn how to give feedback to their reports in a supportive and constructive manner are able to motivate and inspire performance improvement and achievement of challenging objectives. Failure to give feedback on performance issues not only does not tackle those things that can be the difference between success and failure of a task, but it can also lead to the continuing deterioration of performance. There's nothing quite so insulting to an employee to criticise or chastise them after months or years have gone by when you've never told them clearly what they were doing wrong. "But why didn't you tell me?" is a common cry of despair...

And feedback isn't only a management tool. It's a skill that everyone can benefit from improving and regularly using. Think of it as the ability to share your experience with people with whom you work. Is there a colleague who regularly inconveniences you? Is there someone whose support you appreciate, but you wish it were given in a slightly different way? Maybe there's one person who you really rely on and don't want them to stop what they're doing... Feedback enables you to communicate with them - to translate your thoughts into words and to positively influence how the people around you think and behave.

Then there's the person on the receiving end of the feedback. Let's spare a thought for them as after all, feedback is actually a two-way process - not just a broadcasting tool for manipulating others. (Well it shouldn't be!) Anyone who is conscientious about their job role, who strives towards excellence and who seeks continuous improvements will be delighted to receive feedback - indeed, they will make it their business to seek it out! The only proviso is that the feedback they are looking for must be honest, transparent and constructive. They're not looking to be manipulated with fake praise, or damned with feint praise. They would simply like to know a bit more about the impact of their actions and their approach - so they can make adjustments where necessary.

It's clear that although feedback can be extremely valuable, there's a variety of reasons that people often find it difficult to give. Here are a few guidelines that may help you to ensure that the feedback you give is constructive and supportive:

• Always ensure that the purpose of your feedback is to be genuinely helpful to the other person, as well as to yourself. It should never be used as a punishment.

• Before launching in with your observations, it is respectful to ask them if they have any areas of particular concern that they'd like your feedback on.

• Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head. Take some time to think about your comments to ensure that they're fair and balanced.

• Most people feel very vulnerable while receiving feedback and so will be very sensitive to your comments. Be aware of this when deciding what to say. It’s a good idea to think about how you would feel if the same comments were made about you.

• Speak directly to the person. If you're in a meeting, or with others, don’t talk about them to the group.

• Remember that your feedback is your view, so say ‘I...’ rather than ‘We...’ or ‘The team...’.

• Think about your non-verbal communication. Make eye contact and ensure that both your posture and your expression are non-threatening, relaxed and informal.

• Be honest but non-judgmental. For example, ‘I noticed that you interrupted the other person five times,’ rather than, ‘You were so full of your own opinions that you wouldn’t let the other person get a word in edgeways’.

• Talk about the specific behaviour rather than your personal opinion of them. For example: ‘No dates were set for the next meeting,’ rather than ‘You’re not very organised are you?’.

• Make sure that you comment on the good points as well as the development areas. It’s important that people are made aware of their strengths too.

• Avoid using a formulaic approach (such as the unfortunately named "s**t sandwich") It will only look false and manipulative.

• Don’t overload the person with a list of issues. Being given two or three areas to consider may be valuable; 15 is demoralizing and pointless.

• Don't avoid giving 'negative' feedback. It’s unfair to refuse help because you feel awkward about it.

• Remember that only poorly given feedback is negative.

• Make your remarks specific. For example, ‘You had a friendly approach’ is of little value. A better example would be, ‘You made good eye contact, had a friendly smile, and your posture was open and relaxed. All these things made me feel that you were looking forward to the interview’.

• Remember that feedback is something the other person has the right to consider. They should be free to consider it in context with other feedback they’ve received as well as with their own observations and views. They may or may not accept any or all of what you say.

• If you're in a position of authority, make sure you distinguish between your 'feedback' and your managerial 'instructions'. This way, the other person will be clear about what they need to act on, and what they are free to consider.


If you have any further ideas, thoughts or experiences about feedback-giving, do let me know!

How do you deal with difficult meeting or training participants?

There is a wide range of behaviours that even the most experienced meeting chairs, facilitators and trainers find difficult to deal with. Using an assertive communication style together with some specific techniques will help you to deal with most difficult people effectively – and the better you become, the fewer opportunities for disruption present themselves. Here are some useful guidelines for dealing with difficult people/behaviour during your meetings/training sessions:

Agree groundrules: If you can, invest a few minutes at the start of every session to agree and/or reiterate some groundrules that everyone is happy to abide by. That way, you get the added benefit of peer pressure and personal accountability which will help to curb some of the most common types of difficult behaviour - such as people talking over each other, interrupting or talking amongst themselves.

Improve the environment: It may be that part of the problem is with the venue - if it is too hot or too cold, people will become distracted and fidgety, and will lose concentration. If there are strong opinions and emotions are running high, this will only be exacerbated by a room that's too hot. The best temperature to aim for is just on the cool side of comfortable which will keep the majority of people alert. Equally, getting the seating right will encouraging effective communication. If there are individuals who are dominating, or who are getting into one-on-one disagreements, try asking people to swop seats and/or to work in different small groups, as this will change the dynamics.

Agree a purpose: Every meeting or training session requires an objective. Explain at the beginning why a meeting or a training session is the best way of achieving the outcome, and give an idea of how you will work with the group to achieve it. Aim to get group consensus on priorities for the session, or seek their commitment to pre-defined objectives. This will help you to identify and agree a common focus and direction, which you can refer back to if anyone goes off-topic, or loses sight of the overall purpose.

Use an agenda: This can serve as an effective means of keeping the meeting/session on course, and encouraging people to work within a time-frame and stick to the point. Circulating the agenda beforehand will help people to prepare and to think through their contributions or questions. Plan the structure of the meeting or training session by prioritising topics/agenda points so the most important/urgent are dealt with when people are most alert and motivated.

Never humiliate a difficult participant: Try to think of every participant as a ‘customer’, who deserves to be treated with respect. Also remember that the other people in the meeting/training session are likely to feel some sympathy for them, so you may find yourself alienated by the group if you behave in any way other than entirely respectful.

Don’t get into an argument: Although having a one-on-one tussle with an individual may entertain the others in the room, you run the risk of embarrassing them too. If you lose the argument or become too adversarial, you could also lose your credibility. Should the argument go on, the other participants are likely to become bored and irritated. Try to remain positive – don’t get pulled into a negative defence spiral. Instead focus on finding out more about their views by asking probing questions.

Don’t ignore them: The problem won’t usually go away on its own. Most difficult behaviour is exhibited as a result of an individual wanting to be heard or acknowledged. They are likely to ramp up the volume on their difficult behaviour unless and until it is/they are dealt with.

Try to understand them: If you can identify why they are being disruptive or difficult, you are more likely to be able to respond accordingly: If they want to be involved, give them a role such as making notes; if they feel they're not being listened to, use active listening techniques to give them a fair hearing; if they’re clashing with you, ask the other participants to comment on some of the specific points they're making - that way you'll open up the discussion to everyone.

Never lose your cool: If you feel that you are going to lose your temper or to show your frustration, try counting to ten and/or taking a break as soon as it is appropriate - so you can re-gather your thoughts and work out an effective strategy for dealing with them calmly.

Talk to them alone: Try finding an opportune moment, say at lunchtime or during a coffee break. Ask them politely whether there's anything specific that is troubling them that you can help with. Even the most obnoxious person will usually talk reasonably given the opportunity for a private chat.

They may not mean to be difficult: Remember that people express themselves and their feelings differently, and learn and process information at different rates – sometimes it is easy to think that someone is being deliberately obtuse or pedantic just to be difficult, when in fact they are just in their natural style!

People have a right to their opinions: If you ask for feedback or for views and an individual seems to be hyper-critical or negative, accept their right to do so. If you can, turn it into a conversation rather than an argument. "What specifically do you disagree with?" "I’m interested to know why you think that" "What needs to happen/change for you to agree?"

And if all else fails…

Consider encouraging them to leave – If you believe that the person is going to undermine the outcome of the meeting/session, or to reduce other participants' opportunities to contribute or to learn, then this is always an option - it is unlikely that they are achieving anything positive by being there and continuing with their disruptive behaviour.

Have you ever been asked to leave a meeting, or have you invited someone to leave a training session? How do you deal with difficult or challenging behaviour from a meeting or training participant? We'd love to hear your experiences...

Is it time to kill-off the "Killer Question"?

When delivering training in sales, negotiation and influence, I’m often asked about the use of so-called “killer questions”. I first came across the term about 15 years ago and to be honest, I was a little puzzled by it. I’d heard of the “killer instinct” which I guess is a second-cousin of the “killer question”, but I never did get my head around why anyone would want to “kill” anything? Maybe I’m just not the aggressive type, but the bottom line is that it just doesn’t make sense to me to kill off anyone or anything that may come in useful at a later date!

Giving the “killer question” concept a second chance, I decided to look into it a bit further. Maybe it was just an unfortunate name for concept that’s actually quite useful? What I discovered quite quickly was that the “killer question” approach proposes a series of ‘off-the-peg’ questions that are so dynamic and powerful that you can pull them out and nail a deal in a flash… It sounded too good to be true, but still somewhat appealing to think that there could be a magic question that can get you the result you’re after.

Being a bit of a skeptic, and being trained not to take anything at face value, I began to consider the killer question premise in a little more detail… Firstly, if there really is an ultimate question that can be asked, how can the same question have the same brilliant effect in every situation? Surely an effective sales person, negotiator or influencer needs to be able to tailor their communication style and approach, and not just drag out a one-size-fits-all question? Asking killer questions also seemed to me to be extremely patronizing and disrespectful, as it assumes that the recipient/customer is too dim to realize that they’re being manipulated.

The reality is that the workplace is definitely becoming more pressurized. People are being asked to achieve more in less time. So the idea that we can push our way forward towards our own goals, ignoring the sensibilities, intelligence, needs and values of those around us is in a small way understandable. For anyone looking for quick and easy gimmicks, there are of course many sources of advice on the internet about how to use clever openers, killer questions, value propositions, and the latest genius closing techniques.

So how do you know if you or your colleagues are guilty of asking “killer questions”? Here are three of the most lethal/irritating that I’ve come across:

1. "What do you know about us/me/this project/proposal…?"

If the person you’re trying to influence/sell to/negotiate with is on the ball, they will immediately ask you if this is a test. Nobody likes to be put on the spot, so why would anyone want to risk potentially humiliating and alienating the person they wish to influence, right from the start? Perhaps it’s because they simply want to know what the person thinks of them, their idea or proposal before presenting their side. However, it would be good to remember that whether the person knows a lot, a little, or nothing at all about what you have to offer, nobody knows it as well as you – so it’s your job to tell them and not the other way around.

2. "What will it take to get you to agree/your business…?"

This is probably one of the most unimpressive “killer” questions, as it implies that you are so desperate for a sale or for agreement that you may be willing to do anything in order to close the deal! If you aren’t willing to do anything, then why ask that question? Instead, it would be far more constructive to use a more consultative process of discussion in order to uncover what the person actually needs/wants in a less confrontational/direct way.

3. "Can I call you next week/in two weeks/a month?"

This is another “killer” question that puts the other person on the spot. Firstly, what is so special about following up in 7, 14 or 30 days? It may be a good time-scale for you, but don’t assume that it is just as good for them, or that they even want you to follow-up on your conversation. Secondly, they may not want you to call them at all... So instead of dictating the follow up time-frame, you could ask if it would be helpful to get back in touch, and when would be the best time for them. At least that way you know you won’t be wasting your time or their time, or becoming an irritant to someone who just doesn’t feel able to say “no”.

Anyone who is a keen observer of human behaviour, and anyone who is an experienced business-person will tell you for nothing that investing in long-term relationships is so much more precious than the short-term gains of the smoke-and-mirror, and ‘bullish’ approaches. Surely effective sales, negotiation and influence involves engaging the other person in a meaningful dialogue about their wants, needs, and problems - and how your solutions/proposals might be of value to them. In a collaborative process, the other person is free to make their own considered decisions, and they will also take responsibility for the outcome of those decisions.

So you are convinced that killer questions aren’t actually as wonderful as they’re meant to be. But what should you replace them with? Here are some alternative question formats that you might find useful in the process of uncovering needs:

• What are the different ways that you...?
• Can you recall a situation where...?
• What would you do differently if...?
• What's been your experience with...?
• Whose opinion matters most about...?
• What prevents you from...?
• What three things stand in your way...?
• What are the benefits you'd like to see as a result of...?
• How are you avoiding...?
• What trends are affecting the way you...?
• What do you think is the best way to achieve...?
• What are you missing out on by...?
• How would you like… to describe...?
• What would need to happen for you to feel...?
• What would your three best customers say about...?
• What are the most common questions that your customers ask when...?
• In the past six months, how have you...?
• What advice would you give to...?
• What are you currently doing to reduce...?
• What do you think makes the difference between...?

So next time a well-meaning but ill-informed colleague asks you to can share your “killer questions” with them, you know what to do: suggest that using a consultative approach might be more productive, and tell them that a killer question may well kill the deal, but it’s also likely to murder the on-going relationship!

Four ‘Secret’ Confidence Boosters

Most people in the public eye (sports stars, politicians, celebrities and even members of the royal family) will appear to have an inordinate amount of self-confidence. But as the ‘fly-on-the wall’ TV programmes have shown us in the past few years, many of them are just as insecure and fearful as us ordinary folk when their guards are down… So what is it that helps these high-profile people to keep looking shiny and confident when it matters? Apart from expensive clothes, make-up and accessories, they have all mastered a way of keeping their self-doubt in check…


Here are four ‘techniques’ that are frequently used by people who need to master the art of self-confidence:

1. Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)

Sometimes called "The Science of Excellence," NLP uses the patterns of success in the lives of many high-performing people to create a series of systems and practices that replace ‘limiting beliefs’ and consequential unwanted behaviours with self- confidence and the fulfilment of your natural talents. Apparently Heston Blumenthal uses NLP’s metaphor techniques to give him the ability to step away from distractions and go into an imaginary “Sweet Shop” where he can be free to be as creative as he wishes with new recipes… ‘Anchoring’ is another NLP technique that enables you to associate positive thought processes with a mental or physical link so you can conjure them up whenever needed. This might be simply tapping your fingers, holding your arms in a certain way or having a handkerchief infused with a particular essential oil or perfume - any physical link you can easily and accurately repeat to help get you into the desired ‘zone’.

2. Imitation

If you don’t have the time or inclination to practice the NLP confidence building technique, then you might try imitation. Derren Brown has shared the fact that he says to himself: “What would Andy do?” when he goes to a big party. (He’s referring to Andy Nyman, his writing partner who’s much more confident socially than Derren.)

To imitate a really confident person, you need to observe them doing whatever it is they do. Watch how they interact with others, listen to the words they use, look at their body language, and listen to how their voice sounds. Here are some tips:

• First impressions really do count - so adopt a strong, open and relaxed posture
• Breathe deeply and slowly – this will increase the amount of oxygen in your bloodstream, and will help to control your muscles to relax
• Smile – it’s a great way of showing that you’re relaxed, but don’t over-do it
• Make appropriate eye contact – again a sign of confidence if you can look a person in the eye. Remember to look away from time to time, otherwise you’ll just look scary!
• Speak clearly and with sufficient volume - remember what you're saying is worth hearing
• Don't take yourself too seriously, innocent humour can be a great rapport builder and can help to prevent conflict
• Let yourself be open to judgement from others – don’t worry what they’re thinking, just focus on what you’re trying to achieve

3. Visualisation and positive self-talk

This is a technique that Tiger Woods was taught to use from the age of 10. He mastered the art of visualising every shot – playing through the desired outcome, imagining everything in minute detail from the strength of his swing, to the resulting trajectory of the golf ball and exactly where he wanted it to land. The same is true of the downhill skiers who often rock back and forth with their eyes closed before they begin. They’re also mentally rehearsing what they’ll do all the way down the course, including how they’ll deal with any difficulties.

Studies in mental imagery have shown that you can actually train your mind to be confident. This is because the brain doesn’t distinguish between real and imaginary images. The same chemicals are released and the same electrical activity displays in the brain whether we are visualising something, or whether we are actually doing it. A repeated thought process can therefore become a deeply felt belief over time. So if you think about a particular outcome in a positive way often enough, you will begin to genuinely feel good about it, thus increasing your chance of success.
You might already tell yourself before taking on an onerous task: “I can do it” or maybe you listen to listen to loud or inspirational music to ‘hype yourself up’. This is about using visualisation and positive self-talk to raise your energy levels, improve your motivation and encourage the part of your personality that has confidence to come to the forefront.

4. Create an alter ego

This is a made-up persona who has all the characteristics that you’d like your confident, successful self to have. Your alter ego has no flaws. You may be afraid, but your persona can be fearless. The best way to use an alter ego is to give it a name. Beyonce Knowles the American recording artist, calls her alter ego “Sasha Fierce” who is a tough outspoken risk taker. Beyonce has openly admitted that she is naturally shy when she is offstage and that she created Sasha to give herself confidence when on stage and to showcase her “other” self.
English singer-songwriter Adele recently told Rolling Stone magazine, how she created her own alter ego “Sasha Carter” by combining Beyonce's Sasha Fierce with the name of Johnny Cash's wife, singer/actress June Carter: "I was about to meet Beyonce. I had a full-blown panic attack. Then she popped in looking gorgeous and said, 'You're amazing! When I listen to you I feel like I'm listening to God.' I went out on the balcony crying hysterically, and I said, 'What would Sasha Fierce do?'"

South African cricketer Andre Nel also has an alter ego called “Gunther” who has a reputation for snarling and sometimes foul-mouthed aggression. Andre explains that he decided his split personality merited two names after a conversation with one of South Africa's technical analysts. "One of our computer guys said I was a bit like those little guys in Germany who live half way up a mountain and have a lack of oxygen to the brain that makes them crazy. Sometimes that happens to me, it seems. Gunther seemed a good name for him. I talk to him on the way to my mark. Andre has to keep Gunther in line sometimes but the aggression is part of my armoury.”

We don’t all necessarily need alter egos to be wild and outspoken like Sasha Fierce, or aggressive like Gunther, but having a different aspect of our personality that we can bring out from time to time can help us out in lots of different situations. Obviously only alter egos that are used in a positive way are healthy – they shouldn’t be an excuse for outrageous or damaging behaviour!

So there you have it, there’s no real secret to self-confidence… the people we watch in the public eye aren’t that different from most of us when it comes to confidence. They’ve just found a technique that works for them that enables them to go out onto whatever stage it is (whether it’s on TV, in the House of Commons, at Glastonbury or at Old Trafford) and to perform to the best of their ability without being held back by nerves or limiting self-beliefs. Those same techniques are freely available for anyone to try, and can enhance your own performance, whether you’re delivering a presentation, going for a job interview or preparing for a difficult meeting.

Do let me know if you’ve tried any of the techniques, and how they worked for you…

Self-confidence... do you have what it takes?

It's all very well learning a trade, or enhancing one's knowledge, or adding skills to your CV... but it's arguable that self-confidence is the most important personal and professional asset that you can ever invest in.

Think about it - who is it that gets to take on the most interesting/challenging tasks and projects at work? Who is it who is taken notice of by people at all levels within their field? Who is it who is considered most favourably for promotions? Chances are, your answers will have one thing in common, and that's people with self-confidence. Whether we admire this trait or not (after all, who doesn't recoil when watching the arrogant young upstarts 'big themselves up' on "The Apprentice"?) - it is true to say that success in the workplace is becoming more and more about confident, live communication. Gone are the days when we could spend an hour carefully crafting a written response to a colleague or a customer. We are expected and required to choose the right words and deliver them in the right order to deliver maximum effect - there and then... In short, these days, it's self-confidence that helps you to get results and helps you to get noticed.

The trouble with self-confidence is that whilst it is a skill like any other that can be learnt, while you're still wearing the confidence 'L plates', you usually stick out like a sore thumb. I used to imagine I had a huge hologram floating above my head, with a flashing neon arrow pointing down at me, saying "she doesn't know what she's talking about!" Probably just imagining it created all manner of non-verbal clues for my highly observant colleagues and customers to spot. What I didn't realise until much later in my career was that I actually had the off switch to that sign all along. It wasn't about having to know everything about everything, or about being able to answer every single question with an A grade exam answer... no, it was simply about having faith in my own ability to share my knowledge, my opinions and my ideas (for what they were worth), and to contribute something valuable to the process of communication: I learnt to listen, to process and to facilitate discussions and problems in a way that harnessed everyone's views and experiences. As soon as I took the self-imposed spotlight off myself, and focused on helping to create dynamic interactions, the pressure lifted and the conversation began to flow

I'm often asked by my coaching clients: "supposing you lack confidence but you are worried about being perceived as a show-off or as arrogant... what then?" In short I usually say that the people who you know, or who you've come across who provide you with anti-role models are extremely useful. The fact that you don't want to become like them is a good start. If you take time to observe them in full flow, you will begin to identify what it is that makes them unpleasant or difficult to deal with. It may be something subtle like the way they look smug when they've got the better of someone, or it may be a more tangible thing, such as interrupting others or finishing their sentences for them. Work out exactly what it is they do or don't do and make a pact with yourself not to emulate it.

Okay, so you're avoiding arrogance, but what do you replace it with? I'd suggest that in the same way, you look out for good examples of people who have a balance of self-confidence with humility. People who are comfortable in their own skins and who don't need to tread on other people's esteem to make themselves feel better or be heard. If you've never looked out for these sorts of people, or observed their behaviour, you're in for a treat! It's extremely heartening to watch someone calmly deal with challenging situations and people in a way which doesn't throw them, which moves things forward and which maintains goodwill on both sides. I'm always looking out for it - when I'm working in the various companies I visit to deliver training, when I'm watching TV, when I'm travelling or when I'm communicating with the various utilites on the telephone. And when I do find it, I usually try to make some sort of appreciative comment (without sounding patronising of course) as I think too few people realise just how important that sort of self-confidence really is

I'm sure most people would agree that the world is changing at a fast pace, and whether we like it or not, there's a greater focus on our personal brand. If we lack self-confidence, we have a weak brand that few people are interested in. If it's a pushy brand that we've created, then only certain people will be impressed. However, a confident, honest and likeable brand is one that the majority of people will come back to time and time again...

If you have any tips to share about how you have developed your self-confidence, I'd love to hear them!

Is your team Emotionally Intelligent?

Some might argue that having team leaders with well developed Emotional Intelligence will automatically produce teams which function within an emotionally intelligent culture... Clearly the reverse is likely to be true: a team with a leader who is lacking in key EI competencies is likely to experience disharmony, lack of mutual trust, and difficulty in expressing true feelings and ideas for fear of being knocked back. However, does it go without saying that team leaders and managers who understand the critical nature of EI in the workplace, and who prioritise their own personal development in this area, automatically create an emotionally intelligent working environment? I'm not convinced that they do. And anyway, what exactly IS an emotionally intelligent working environment?

Here are my ideas on the sort of things you'll be able to spot in an 'Emotionally Intelligent Team':

1. There is genuine respect: Not everyone needs to be the best of friends, but there needs to be a genuine mutual respect between team members. How can you spot that this is the case? It's often seen in the way that team members challenge each others' approach or ideas during discussions and disagreements. Genuine respect is demonstrated when all parties make efforts not to undermine each others' self-esteem by using personal attacks - even as a method of self-defence. Seeking win-win solutions and encouraging input and ideas from everyone whenever appropriate/possible demonstrates true respect.

2. There is trust: Each member of the team needs to be able to trust that their colleagues are looking out for their best interests, and for the best interests of the team/organisation. Teams with high levels of trust will take risks with each others' ideas, and they will accept information and opinions from their colleagues without insisting on intense interrogation. Trusting team members need not be naively compliant, but they will appreciate and work with each others' expertise and experience as if it is their own.

3. Individuals work for the team good: Whilst it is human nature to protect one's own interests, self-serving behaviour can be extremely undermining of the collective effort. An emotionally intelligent team will find ways to balance the needs of the individuals within it, with the overall objectives of the team. Selfish behaviour will be self-regulated, within an under-pinning culture of collectivity. Individuals will also lend their support to their colleagues without hesitation or resentment, if it is in the best interests of the team.

4. There is a sense of team achievement: Team members will encourage and congratulate each others' achievements, rather than competing for praise or attention. Individuals will generously attribute their own successes to the collective work of the team. They will understand the important contribution others make to their achievements, and they will value the tangible and intangible benefits of simply being a part of that team.

5. Expectations are negotiated: Team members are successfully able to communicate and negotiate their expectations of each other. If there are no taboos, and minimal unspoken disagreements, there will be far less fuel for building resentment between individuals. You will be able to spot emotionally intelligent teams regularly checking out each others' expectations and doing all they can to ensure that they are as closely in alignment as possible.

6. Conflicts are managed effectively: A team that has no conflicts is not necessarily emotionally intelligent - it may be a sign that people are afraid to speak their mind, or that they are being ruled with a rod of iron! A certain amount of conflict is inevitable in all teams, as it is often at the heart of creativity. Therefore look out for whether team members are able to freely express their opposing ideas and frustrations, and whether they use problem-solving techniques to find win-win solutions wherever possible.

So... how does your own team measure up to these indicators of 'Team Emotional Intelligence'? If most or all of these factors are present, then it is likely that your team is dynamic, productive and successful - and that its members are pleased to be a part of it! It is rare that these things happen by chance though. There is usually a team leader or manager who has worked hard to create the environment in which these factors can be nurtured and maintained. And there are usually a number of team members (if not all) who are self-aware and who understand that being part of a winning team requires effort - sometimes having to behave in ways that is counter-intuitive for the benefit of the team...

Next time I'll share my ideas on how a team leader can foster higher levels of EI within their team.

Reasons to be cheerful, parts four, five and six?

Spring is definitely in the air, there are signs of the dark cloud of the recession finally lifting and we have great hopes of winning the Eurovision Song Contest this year - why wouldn't we feel cheerful?

I may be showing my age with the Ian Dury reference, but he had a point I think... sometimes we need to remind ourselves to be cheerful, to look at our proverbial glass of whatever and concentrate really hard until it really looks half full. In my work as a training consultant, I can see the incredible benefits to be gained by maintaining an optimistic outlook. Yes, having a cheery atmosphere where everyone is smiling and happy makes the workplace a nicer place to be, but it goes a lot further than that. Those who are able to see the positive side of events and people and those who are able to persist in pursuing their goals despite obstacles and setbacks are far more likely to to achieve success - whatever they define it to be...

The concept of 'dynamic optimism' is an interesting one. I came across an article a while ago by Max More Phd, who coined the phrase to describe the sort of optimism that is practical and that gets results - not just about putting on a false smile and telling ourselves and others that "everything will work out ok", but a tangible, intelligent sort of optimism that requires study and practice. Here are some useful ideas on the characteristics of dynamic optimists - see how many you recognise and if there are any that you don't currently use, why not try practicing them for a while and see what results you get?

1. Interpret your experiences positively: Focus on enjoyable and constructive aspects of your life. See the world as full of opportunities and possibilities, and see any difficulties not as obstacles, but as challenges.
2. Challenge limiting beliefs: Use constructive skepticism to challenge the unquestioned constraints held by ourselves, our colleagues and by society - develop a fundamental openness to new ideas.
3. Avoid passive complaining: Rather than complaining about how unfair life is, and moaning about how difficult things are, take the world as it is and seek to find ways of moving forward.
4. Maintain a sense of humour: See your own and others' mistakes and shortcomings with a sense of healthy, good-natured humour - it will help to reveal new perspectives and will combat dogmatic thinking.
5. Utilise rational thought: Rather than being lead by fears or short-term desires, use rational thought to objectively analyse situations and take action based on reality.
6. Be experimental: Be open to trying out new ways of doing things, stay out of ruts, actively seek more effective ways of achieving your goals and be willing to take calculated risks.
7. Develop your self-confidence: Work on your self-esteem and self confidence so you truly believe that you are worthy of success and happiness, and have a fundamental belief in your competence to bring about good things.
8. Take responsibility: Take charge, and create the conditions required for success. Have integrity and live according to your values and be proactive in seeking solutions.
9. Seek continual improvement: Rather than being pushed along by fear, create an inspirational self-image and use this to maintain a personal drive to improve.
10. Create a positive environment: Be attracted to positive people and situations. Seek out people who will support and inspire you, not undermine, distract or discourage you.

These are just a few ideas. It's all pretty much common sense really, but if you become more aware of your thought processes, you may just catch yourself in the unwitting act of seeing your glass as half empty... and if you do, then you're far more likely to be able to tip the balance into a dynamic optimism - the type of optimism that will steer you towards achieving your goals, towards staying happier and healthier, and towards being more resilient to the inevitable pressures that life throws at us!