How do you deal with difficult meeting or training participants?

There is a wide range of behaviours that even the most experienced meeting chairs, facilitators and trainers find difficult to deal with. Using an assertive communication style together with some specific techniques will help you to deal with most difficult people effectively – and the better you become, the fewer opportunities for disruption present themselves. Here are some useful guidelines for dealing with difficult people/behaviour during your meetings/training sessions:

Agree groundrules: If you can, invest a few minutes at the start of every session to agree and/or reiterate some groundrules that everyone is happy to abide by. That way, you get the added benefit of peer pressure and personal accountability which will help to curb some of the most common types of difficult behaviour - such as people talking over each other, interrupting or talking amongst themselves.

Improve the environment: It may be that part of the problem is with the venue - if it is too hot or too cold, people will become distracted and fidgety, and will lose concentration. If there are strong opinions and emotions are running high, this will only be exacerbated by a room that's too hot. The best temperature to aim for is just on the cool side of comfortable which will keep the majority of people alert. Equally, getting the seating right will encouraging effective communication. If there are individuals who are dominating, or who are getting into one-on-one disagreements, try asking people to swop seats and/or to work in different small groups, as this will change the dynamics.

Agree a purpose: Every meeting or training session requires an objective. Explain at the beginning why a meeting or a training session is the best way of achieving the outcome, and give an idea of how you will work with the group to achieve it. Aim to get group consensus on priorities for the session, or seek their commitment to pre-defined objectives. This will help you to identify and agree a common focus and direction, which you can refer back to if anyone goes off-topic, or loses sight of the overall purpose.

Use an agenda: This can serve as an effective means of keeping the meeting/session on course, and encouraging people to work within a time-frame and stick to the point. Circulating the agenda beforehand will help people to prepare and to think through their contributions or questions. Plan the structure of the meeting or training session by prioritising topics/agenda points so the most important/urgent are dealt with when people are most alert and motivated.

Never humiliate a difficult participant: Try to think of every participant as a ‘customer’, who deserves to be treated with respect. Also remember that the other people in the meeting/training session are likely to feel some sympathy for them, so you may find yourself alienated by the group if you behave in any way other than entirely respectful.

Don’t get into an argument: Although having a one-on-one tussle with an individual may entertain the others in the room, you run the risk of embarrassing them too. If you lose the argument or become too adversarial, you could also lose your credibility. Should the argument go on, the other participants are likely to become bored and irritated. Try to remain positive – don’t get pulled into a negative defence spiral. Instead focus on finding out more about their views by asking probing questions.

Don’t ignore them: The problem won’t usually go away on its own. Most difficult behaviour is exhibited as a result of an individual wanting to be heard or acknowledged. They are likely to ramp up the volume on their difficult behaviour unless and until it is/they are dealt with.

Try to understand them: If you can identify why they are being disruptive or difficult, you are more likely to be able to respond accordingly: If they want to be involved, give them a role such as making notes; if they feel they're not being listened to, use active listening techniques to give them a fair hearing; if they’re clashing with you, ask the other participants to comment on some of the specific points they're making - that way you'll open up the discussion to everyone.

Never lose your cool: If you feel that you are going to lose your temper or to show your frustration, try counting to ten and/or taking a break as soon as it is appropriate - so you can re-gather your thoughts and work out an effective strategy for dealing with them calmly.

Talk to them alone: Try finding an opportune moment, say at lunchtime or during a coffee break. Ask them politely whether there's anything specific that is troubling them that you can help with. Even the most obnoxious person will usually talk reasonably given the opportunity for a private chat.

They may not mean to be difficult: Remember that people express themselves and their feelings differently, and learn and process information at different rates – sometimes it is easy to think that someone is being deliberately obtuse or pedantic just to be difficult, when in fact they are just in their natural style!

People have a right to their opinions: If you ask for feedback or for views and an individual seems to be hyper-critical or negative, accept their right to do so. If you can, turn it into a conversation rather than an argument. "What specifically do you disagree with?" "I’m interested to know why you think that" "What needs to happen/change for you to agree?"

And if all else fails…

Consider encouraging them to leave – If you believe that the person is going to undermine the outcome of the meeting/session, or to reduce other participants' opportunities to contribute or to learn, then this is always an option - it is unlikely that they are achieving anything positive by being there and continuing with their disruptive behaviour.

Have you ever been asked to leave a meeting, or have you invited someone to leave a training session? How do you deal with difficult or challenging behaviour from a meeting or training participant? We'd love to hear your experiences...

How to Avoid Bullying

I couldn't help but think about the issue of workplace bullying this week, especially with the newspapers being filled with copy about the alleged bullying behaviour by Gordon Brown towards his staff. Of course I'm not surprised that those nearest and dearest to him have leapt to his defence: http://bit.ly/JccBK5

Nobody wants to be accused of bullying, and few people would easily admit to being a bully, but it seems that there are more and more claims of bullying behaviour in the workplace these days. Why is it? Well, from my own experience as a trainer and coach, there are a number of possible reasons:

1. Too many managers and team leaders are promoted without adequate training and support - A large proportion of new managers who I meet have been appointed or promoted mainly on the basis of their technical ability, or their length of service. Whilst these things may be important to retain within an organisation, the lack of management experience and skills can, on balance, be more detrimental and can leave new managers having to find their feet through trial and error. I have been told many stories about the mistakes new managers have made in the way they've treated their staff. So many say that wish they'd had the training to help them to develop more facilitative management skills from the start.

2. The workplace is becoming more and more pressurised - Whilst stress and pressure cannot excuse bullying behaviour, it is a reality that those people who are under the greatest pressure, and who are unable to manage their own stress and the resulting behaviour, are more likely to be perceived as bullies. I meet many people who say that it isn't their intention to take it out on their staff, but they just can't help themselves when the people around them are letting them down.

3. There's a fine line between a passion for the job and bullying - There are many people who are so passionate about their work and about achieving excellence/perfection that they forget to make any allowances for the sensibilities of the people around them. Whilst they might defend themselves by saying that anyone who "cared enough" about their work would be the same, unfortunately this isn't entirely true. The individuals who achieve the greatest success at work are those who are able to bring others along with them - they are able to collaborate and get the best from their colleagues.

4. Clear and direct management is sometimes misconstrued as bullying - It seems that there are so many people who have been 'managed' by inexperienced managers who lack the confidence and skills to assert themselves, that when an assertive manager comes along, their behaviour is perceived in comparison as being bullying. As the accusation of bullying is an extremely serious matter, it is particularly important that people understand the true nature of bullying, and don't mistake for a bully a confident and persistent manager who's taking charge.

5. Disgruntled staff may falsely accuse their manager of bullying - As with any other accusation of an aggressive nature, the accusation of bullying must always be taken seriously and thoroughly investigated. However, there is always the possibility that the investigation will uncover an ulterior motive on the part of the 'victim' who has used the issue of bullying to get back at their colleague/manager. I usually ask myself 'what has happened in the relationship to create the need to make such a false accusation?' It may not be that the accused has actually been a bully in the strictest sense, but it is possible that their behaviour may in some way have contributed to the the breakdown of trust and professional rapport in the relationship.

6. During times of recession it is more difficult to just get up and leave - Whether it is a personal reality or simply a perception, people during a recession feel less inclined to leave a job unless it is absolutely necessary. There is therefore the potential for more people to feel trapped in their current position and to feel that they have no choice but to put up with bullying behaviour in the hope that it will go away in time.

7. Lack of confidence and assertiveness skills - without feeling an entitlement to work in a conducive and safe working environment; without the necessary communication skills to respond to the put-downs and snipes; without the confidence and skills to request the person to modify their behaviour, a person who is feeling bullied will not have the personal power to influence change for themselves before things become nasty.

8. Management and/or HR may be reluctant to get involved - although the vast majority of senior managers and (one would hope) HR staff, would understand their duty of care, I meet many people who say that there seems to be a reluctance to step in and assist. It is understandable that managers are required to work out issues with their own staff without interference from above, and that colleagues are encouraged to work out their own differences. However from time to time the relationships become so damaged that the only chance of a resolution is by involving an appropriate mediator and/or offering training/coaching for those involved.

At H2 Training & Consultancy, we're genuinely committed to doing what we can to alleviate the problem of bullying in the workplace. We're keen to provide support and guidance to everyone in the equation: we offer supportive training and coaching for those who are accused of, or in danger of being accused of bullying - helping them to become more self-aware and to develop strategies and skills to achieve desired outcomes without resorting to bullying or aggressive behaviour. We also work with people to help them to take proactive steps to manage their own stress and to work better under pressure, so that they're easier to work with! Our training is also useful for those who would like to improve their confidence and assertiveness skills to make themselves more resilient and better able to respond to bullying or aggressive behaviour. Finally, we also offer training to managers and to HR staff in how to provide appropriate/professional support and counselling for anyone involved in bullying accusations from either side. Whilst bullying in the workplace appears to be on the increase, I strongly believe that it needn't be an inevitable side-effect of tough working conditions. There are lots of explanations for the issue of workplace bullying, but there should never be an excuse for it... Little by little, we're proud to be playing our part in helping to eradicate it. We'd be pleased to hear from anyone who's been touched by the issue of bullying at work, and to hear your views on how it can be alleviated.

Finally, if you're interested in training or coaching for yourself or your colleagues, check out the H2 website: http://h2training.com/training.html where you'll find details of our open and in-house courses.